New Orleans Residents Flee in Droves—City Officials Blame ‘Unrealistic’ Expectations for Basic Services
New Orleans leaders insist the real issue isn’t the mass exodus—it’s that residents just don’t appreciate the authentic experience of dodging carjackers and overpaying for broken infrastructure.
New Orleans Officials Warn ‘No Alcohol Reimbursements’ Could Cripple City’s Bribe Negotiations
The New Orleans City Council may finally cut off taxpayer-funded booze tabs, a move some say will cripple deal-making. “We might actually have to govern sober,” one official muttered.
Jeff Landry Wants Remote Workers Back in the Office—Because Nothing Boosts Productivity Like Baton Rouge Gridlock
Gov. Jeff Landry has declared war on remote work, forcing thousands of state employees back into Louisiana’s soul-crushing traffic. Because nothing says “efficiency” like a two-hour commute on cratered highways.
Officials Baffled as ‘No Raises for Teachers’ Signs Work While ‘No Weapons’ Signs Fail
Baton Rouge schools have cracked the code: If only “Gun-Free Zone” signs worked as well as “No Raises for Teachers” signs, crime would be nonexistent. Officials consider bigger fonts as a solution.
Insurance Commissioner Suggests LA Homeowners Should ‘Stop Being Poor’ If They Want Affordable Coverage
Louisiana’s Insurance Commissioner has a solution for skyrocketing rates: Stop being poor. Officials suggest homeowners “get creative” by inheriting wealth, starting side hustles, or simply accepting financial ruin with grace.
St. George Mayoral Candidate Reveals his ‘Leadership, Legislation and Lap Dances’ Plan
ST. GEORGE, La. – St. George mayoral candidate Jim Morgan, whose past legal troubles include a guilty plea for solicitation, is now ready to bring his firsthand experience to city leadership. At a forum last night, inside the unfinished VIP lounge of his proposed St. George gentlemen’s club, Morgan unveiled his bold economic recovery plan, […]
Governor Declares ‘No Corruption Month’ to Give Politicians a Break from Bribery Investigations
BATON ROUGE, La. – In a groundbreaking move to boost morale among Louisiana’s elected officials, Governor Jeff Landry has declared April as No Corruption Month, a period during which all bribery, embezzlement, and ethics investigations will be put on hold. “We recognize that our public servants work tirelessly,” Landry stated. “It’s only fair they get […]
Gov. Landry Makes Crawfish Tax Exempt, Doubles Taxes on Vegan Food—Offers Protesters a Crawfish Boil
Gov. Jeff Landry’s latest proposal eliminates taxes on crawfish while doubling them on vegan food, sparking outrage and a protest. To soothe tensions, he’s hosting a crawfish boil—right outside the protest.
Escaped Inmate Calls 911 After Ending Up on Siegen Lane, Begs to Return to Prison
A work-release inmate’s escape ended in sheer terror when he found himself on Siegen Lane, surrounded by vagrants, impromptu street vendors, and unlicensed security guards. In fear, he called 911—begging to go back to prison.
Southern University Abandons Menstruating Men Project, Launches Critical Study on How Water Actually Makes You Thirstier
After Trump axed Southern University’s $600K transgender menstrual study, the school swiftly pivoted to groundbreaking research proving water causes dehydration—finally exposing Big Water’s sinister agenda once and for all.
Baton Rouge’s New Traffic Congestion Museum Lets Residents Relive Daily Gridlock
Experience the joy of Baton Rouge traffic without ever turning on your car! The city’s new Traffic Congestion Museum lets visitors relive gridlock, road rage, and endless detours—all from a stationary seat.
Mayor Cantrell Declares D.C. a Suburb of New Orleans to Circumvent Travel Ban
Facing a travel ban, Mayor Cantrell found a loophole—simply redefining Washington, D.C. as part of New Orleans. Meanwhile, locals worry DA Jason Williams might start dropping charges for Congress members.
NOPD Launches ‘Catch and Release’ Program for Store Clerks Attempting to Defend Themselves
NOPD’s new “Catch and Release” policy ensures store clerks who defend themselves face immediate legal consequences—while armed robbers get a lecture, a free Uber ride, and a city-sponsored second chance.
New Orleans Celebrates 20-Year Anniversary of Abandoned Six Flags Park by Finally Noticing It’s Still There
The rusted roller coasters of New Orleans’ abandoned Six Flags have outlasted most local roads, public transit, and political careers. The city is now considering branding it a “historic ruin.”
LSU Launches Degree in Political Corruption Studies to Prepare Future Leaders
LSU’s new Political Corruption Studies program embraces Louisiana’s rich legacy of backroom deals, offering courses like the Edwin Edwards Election Manipulation Masterclass and the William Jefferson ‘Cold Cash’ Seminar.
Trump to Ukraine: ‘You Can Pay for Weapons with Trump NFTs, Very Valuable!’
In what might be the boldest financial strategy since Trump Steaks, former President Donald Trump has proposed that Ukraine pay for U.S. military aid using Trump NFTs. While President Zelenskyy was reportedly ‘unimpressed,’ insiders claim Putin is considering investing—just in case they skyrocket in value.
CATS Strike Ends, Officials Still Recommend Leaving for Work a Day Early
After striking for better wages and conditions, CATS drivers have returned—but with fewer buses running than ever, some passengers wonder if the strike ever really ended. Meanwhile, customer service remains unavailable, as the hotline operators are still waiting for a bus to get to work.
Saints QB Derek Carr Agrees to Pay Cut After Watching a Highlight Reel of Last Season
Derek Carr has officially taken a pay cut, proving once and for all that even quarterbacks can feel guilt after watching themselves complete six-yard passes on 3rd-and-12.
Baton Rouge Introduces Brave Cave Escape Room Experience for Tourists
Baton Rouge’s Brave Cave Escape Room lets visitors experience the thrill of escaping a secretive police facility—without legal representation. The highlight? Guests get to turn off their escort’s body cam first.
Baton Rouge Man Opens Used Car Lot, Names It ‘Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service’
Customers raved about the unbeatable prices at “Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service,” only to later realize they had unknowingly entered into a crime scene rather than a dealership.
Despite Losing Union Rights, TSA Assures Public That 3oz Cologne Bottles Will Still Be Treated as Explosives
Despite losing collective bargaining rights, TSA agents remain unwavering in their most sacred duty: ensuring that no traveler successfully sneaks a 3.4oz bottle of cologne past security. Because if they can’t have fair wages, neither can you have your overpriced Polo Sport.
WNBA Strike Could Lead to Record-Low Attendance—If That Were Possible
As WNBA players push for better treatment, league officials face their toughest challenge yet: convincing fans to notice the strike is happening in the first place.
Senator Cassidy’s 2026 Plan: Hope Opponent is Somehow Even Worse
Senator Bill Cassidy’s 2026 re-election strategy? Hoping his opponent is worse. With voters frustrated by both parties, Cassidy’s campaign leans on the motto: “The Devil You Know.” Will it work?
BRPD Accepts Library Bailout, Agrees to Transform Police Units Into Bookmobiles
A $25M bailout from the East Baton Rouge Library now requires BRPD to keep every patrol unit stocked with books. Judges are thrilled, as fewer arrests mean fewer criminals to process and immediately release without bond.
Baton Rouge Issues First ‘Dead or Alive’ Bounty in a Century: Local Saloons on High Alert
The U.S. Marshals’ “Wanted: Dead or Alive” alert has Baton Rouge looking like the Wild West, with locals wondering if bounty hunters will start riding into town.
Jeff Landry Forms the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) Agency to Begin Deporting Foreign Shrimp
Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry has declared war on illegal Chinese shrimp, launching the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) to raid restaurants suspected of serving non-local seafood. “This is an attack on our heritage,” he warned.
Al Green Responds to Censure by Holding Up an Uno Reverse Card on House Floor
In a stunning act of defiance, Rep. Al Green held up an Uno Reverse card after his censure, leaving Congress bewildered and questioning if House rules allowed for such a move.
City Leaders Allegedly Turning Baton Rouge Into a Parody to Undermine The Sadvocate
We figured another satire site would eventually be our biggest competition,’ The Sadvocate admitted. ‘We never expected the Baton Rouge city government to be the one putting us out of business.’
NYC Mayoral Race Heats Up: Adrienne Adams Promises to Replace ‘Chaos’ with ‘Organized Chaos’
Under Adams’ leadership, chaos in NYC won’t vanish—it’ll just be more predictable. Her new ‘Chaos Calendar’ app will notify residents of peak dysfunction hours, ensuring they plan their suffering accordingly.
Saints Re-Sign Clyde Edwards-Helaire After Realizing They Ran Out of Other Ideas
The Saints have re-signed Clyde Edwards-Helaire after exhausting all other options. “We thought about signing a rookie, but nostalgia won out,” said the GM. Fans remain cautiously optimistic—again.