BATON ROUGE, La. – Facing a tough re-election in 2026, Senator Bill Cassidy has finally unveiled his campaign strategy: crossing his fingers and hoping his opponent is an absolute disaster.
“I’m not saying I’m the best choice,” Cassidy admitted at a press conference. “I’m just banking on the fact that Louisiana voters will take one look at my challenger and say, ‘Well, I guess Cassidy isn’t that bad.’”
Despite alienating Trump supporters by voting to convict the former president in his second impeachment trial—and simultaneously frustrating Democrats by continuing to vote with Republicans—Cassidy remains confident that voters will have no better alternative.
“Look, do I have a clear stance on the issues? Not really,” Cassidy said. “But let’s be honest—have you met some of the people running for office in Louisiana? It’s a roll of the dice, and I’m hoping I come out looking slightly less terrible.”
Republican challenger John Fleming, a staunch Trump supporter, has vowed to out-conservative Cassidy. Meanwhile, Democrats have yet to even field a candidate, with one strategist admitting, “We might just let this one slide.”
In response to the backlash, Cassidy’s campaign has launched a new slogan: “Bill Cassidy: The Devil You Know.”
Political analysts predict that if Cassidy can hold on long enough without making any significant decisions, his strategy might actually work.
