BATON ROUGE, La. – In an effort to reduce government efficiency, Governor Jeff Landry has officially ordered thousands of state employees back to their offices, effectively doubling the number of cars stuck in Baton Rouge’s already catastrophic traffic.
Citing a firm belief that “real work can’t happen in pajamas,” Landry insists that employees must endure two-hour commutes on roads that resemble an abandoned minefield. The governor’s office has reassured workers that the return to in-person work will help “reignite Louisiana’s proud tradition of road rage, fender benders, and blaming all traffic problems on crazy Nissan Altima drivers with at least one mismatched body part and expired Texas plates.”
State officials confirm there are no plans to improve infrastructure, but they are considering extending lunch breaks to account for “commute-related emotional recovery.”
Experts predict that by the end of the year, state workers will spend more time stuck in traffic than actually working—finally making government efficiency and road conditions perfectly aligned.
