WASHINGTON, DC – Despite losing their collective bargaining rights, TSA agents want to assure travelers that national security remains their top priority—especially when it comes to oversized cologne bottles.

“We may not have union protections, but rest assured, a 3.4oz bottle of Axe Phoenix is still a clear and present danger,” said TSA spokesperson Greg Simmons. “If it smells strong enough to knock out a horse, it’s probably explosive.”

TSA officials confirmed that confiscating perfectly good bottles of Polo Sport and Old Spice remains a cornerstone of their mission. Passengers caught attempting to smuggle oversized liquids will still face the same cold stares and sighs of disappointment from agents who now have fewer workplace protections than a Ziploc bag filled with shampoo.

Meanwhile, a leaked memo suggests TSA workers may soon receive partial payment in confiscated fragrance bottles, pending approval from Homeland Security.