Louisiana DMV Computer System Is So Old It Still Thinks Edwin Edwards Is Governor
In a move that screams “Louisiana logic,” the new DMV chief—a fire marshal by trade—has discovered the agency’s mainframe still believes Edwin Edwards is governor. And yes, it runs on something older than Windows 95.
Several BRPD Officers Apply for PTSD Support After Hearing State Police Returning to Agency
After a historic internal collapse under trooper leadership, Baton Rouge officers feared a sequel. But this time, the State Police are staying outside—where they can’t mess with the org chart.
Saints Fans Offer Steelers 2 Years Supply of Popeyes Chicken if They Take Derek Carr
Saints fans are feeling generous as they try to unload Derek Carr—and yes, they’ve sweetened the deal with a free 2 years supply of Popeye’s Chicken.
BRPD: No Shootings, Carjackings, or Pedestrians Struck in 24 Hours
BRPD Chief TJ Morse confirmed that no major incidents involving gunfire, stolen vehicles, or pedestrian injuries occurred citywide in the past 24 hours—a development officials cautiously called “unusual but welcome.”
DOTD Completes Final Study for New Baton Rouge Bridge, Construction Set for 2026
After years of debate, LADOTD has finalized plans for a new Mississippi River bridge south of Baton Rouge—and yes, they finally did a real traffic study. Find out where it’s going and when it actually starts.
Jeff Landry Finalizes Plan with Insurance Commissioner to Bring Reduced Premiums to Millions
Governor Jeff Landry just announced a sweeping deal to lower insurance premiums across Louisiana—just days after his amendments got shellacked at the polls. Could this finally be the win voters have waited 30 years for?
Landry Introduces Facebook Post-Inspired Bill Entitled: “We Will Literally Vote for Anything That Reduces Insurance Premiums”
After voters rejected all four amendments with the enthusiasm of a cat rejecting bathwater, Governor Landry turned to the people’s true voice: Facebook comments. His new bill promises one thing—lower insurance. Literally, that’s it.
LSU Baseball Hires EBR Public Works to Manage Delays Citing Unmatched Experience
LSU’s latest game delay had fans checking their watches—and now, LSU Athletics is bringing in East Baton Rouge Public Works to manage the chaos. If they can’t stop the rain, they’ll at least slow everything else down.
NOLA Mayor’s Travel Ban Ruled Unconstitutional Under the “Treat Yo’ Self” Clause
A New Orleans judge ruled Mayor Cantrell’s travel privileges are constitutionally protected under what some are calling the “Treat Yo’ Self” clause. Council members are furious, and the mayor is reportedly booking a “healing retreat” already.
West Baton Rouge Voters Reject Library Tax, Declare ‘We’ve Already Readed Enough’
West Baton Rouge voters rejected taxes for both drainage and libraries, boldly signaling to the world: “We’d rather flood than read.” Find out how a parish plans to sink proudly into illiteracy—one soggy page at a time.
LA DMV Chief Quits; Enters 3rd Day Waiting in Line to Collect Final Paycheck
Former OMV Commissioner Dan Casey resigned Tuesday but quickly discovered the true horrors of Louisiana’s DMV—now trapped in a three-day wait just to get his final paycheck.
Istrouma and Dutchtown Compete for Title of ‘Most Arrests in a Single Lunch Period’
When Dutchtown and Istrouma High Schools both ended lunch periods with six arrests each, nobody expected parents to get involved—or a traveling trophy engraved with handcuffs. Find out how cafeteria chaos became Baton Rouge’s latest varsity sport.
After Years of Outrage, Louisiana Democrats Try Gerrymandering and Instantly Approve
The DNC says it’s not gerrymandering—it’s “Boundary Liberation.” Their new Louisiana map may look like a Roomba had a meltdown, but officials insist it was drawn with fairness, equity, and just a little political ambition.
‘No Crawfish is Illegal’: Group Demands Amnesty for Imported Crawfish in Louisiana
After a vendor was caught selling imported crawfish, activists are demanding sanctuary pots and crawfish amnesty. Governor Landry is cracking down with “Crawfish Patrol Units.” You’ll never look at a boil the same way again.
After $955K Deficit, LSU’s Athletic Director Named Finalist for Louisiana State Government Finance Award
From spending SEC money like it’s Monopoly cash to being honored for it by the state, LSU’s athletic department just reminded everyone why Louisiana’s unofficial motto is “It’s not broken, it’s tradition.”
State Legislators Suggest City-Parish Takeover of CATS, Citing Their Expertise in Going Nowhere
Local leaders promise big transit upgrades, starting with the important stuff—like a new logo and committee meetings. The only physical improvement so far? A brand-new bus stop surrounded by caution tape and bulldozers.
Postal Workers Fear Privatization Could Force Them to Deliver Mail in a Timely Manner
USPS employees in Baton Rouge are warning the public that if the mail starts arriving on time, Americans may begin to trust institutions again—a dangerous precedent no one is ready for.
Gov. Landry Declares State of Emergency After Discovering LA DMV Still Running on Windows 95
After a catastrophic OMV system crash halted basic services statewide, Gov. Landry took action—by declaring a state of emergency and vowing to upgrade to Windows XP… in just one more year.
Louisiana Adds Bridge Collapse Simulator to Driver’s Ed Curriculum Amid Recent Bridge Condition Report
Following a report warning that eight Louisiana bridges are at risk of collapse, DOTD is preparing young drivers with a new Bridge Collapse Simulator featuring freefall training, panic management, and a bonus round where students write their own obituary.
Former Mayor Shocked That St. George Organizers Listened to her and Formed City, Considers Suing Herself
Former Mayor Sharon Weston Broome is reportedly stunned to learn that the organizers of St. George actually listened to her advice from 2012. Now, after suing to stop what she set in motion, she may consider legal action against herself.
Greenpeace to Be Inducted into Oil Hall of Fame for Unrivaled Financial Support
Greenpeace is set to be inducted into the Oil Industry Hall of Fame after a $667 million court-ordered payment made it the biggest financial backer of fossil fuels this century. Oil executives call it “the most unexpected show of support in industry history.”
Mayor Cantrell Asks School Board if They’ll Take a Post-Dated $10 Million Check for Payment
After being ordered to pay $10 million to the Orleans Parish School Board, Mayor LaToya Cantrell reportedly handed over a post-dated check, reassuring officials, “Y’all don’t run that yet, I’m waiting on my taxes to hit, k?” The school board is still considering its options.
Gonzales City Council Fears Shorter Work Week Could Lead to Dangerous Levels of Employee Satisfaction
After rejecting a four-day work week, Gonzales officials assured residents they were protecting the town from radical concepts like work-life balance. “If people want more time off, they should consider getting elected,” one council member allegedly muttered.
EBR Parish Prison Inmates Request Transfer to Mosquito Control Facility, Citing Better Living Conditions
Baton Rouge inmates are demanding a transfer—not to another prison, but to the city’s high-tech mosquito control facility, which boasts air conditioning, working plumbing, and walls that don’t threaten to collapse. “Must be nice to be a can of pesticide,” one inmate said.
Baker School Board Sues BESE: We Don’t Need Your Help Running These Schools Into the Ground
The Baker School Board has filed a lawsuit against BESE, citing concerns that any state intervention might accidentally lead to improvement. “Our parents expect a certain level of dysfunction, and we intend to deliver.”
Mayor Cantrell Sues for Right to Govern New Orleans from Anywhere But New Orleans
Mayor LaToya Cantrell isn’t letting a little thing like governing New Orleans stop her from living her best life. Now, she’s suing the City Council, arguing that restricting her taxpayer-funded vacations is an unjust attack on her leadership.
Secret Service No Longer Required to Carry Narcan After Hunter Biden’s Security Detail Gets the Axe
With Hunter Biden’s Secret Service detail officially cut, agents no longer have to carry Narcan “just in case.” Insiders say the biggest cost savings won’t be from medical supplies—but from emergency dry cleaning and last-minute hotel damage deposits.
Audit Finds Thrive Academy’s Hiring Process Consisted of Asking ‘You Good?’ and Moving On
Baton Rouge’s Thrive Academy believes in a ‘gut feeling’ approach to hiring, skipping traditional steps like resumes, references, and background checks. According to an audit, one teacher openly admitted, “I ain’t too good with numbers,” but still landed the math job.
City Declares State of Emergency After Discovering 85% of Baton Rouge’s Beer Consumed in One Morning
Baton Rouge officials declared a state of emergency after the Wearin’ of the Green Parade, delayed to Sunday, led to an unexpected crisis—85% of the city’s beer supply was consumed before noon, leaving desperate parade-goers bartering for booze with beads and turtles.
St. George Candidates Scrap Election, Opt for Cage Matches Instead
With scandals, hookers, salary demands, and government structure disputes causing chaos in St. George, candidates have found a simple solution: ditch democracy and throw hands. The first municipal leadership determined by knockout might actually be the most efficient.