DENHAM SPRINGS, LA – The black bear that recently made headlines after wandering into Livingston Parish has officially checked into a wildlife rehabilitation center — not for injury, but for meth addiction.
Officials say the bear, who was originally thought to be lost or hungry, quickly became a product of his environment. “He was seen rummaging through trash, pacing nervously near Circle K, and aggressively dismantling lawnmowers for scrap,” said a spokesman for the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office. “Classic signs.”
The bear reportedly lost half his teeth, developed a rapid sniff, and tried to sell a used pressure washer behind the Tractor Supply in Denham. By the fifth day, he’d traded his ‘89 Chevy Silverado to someone on Milton Road in Walker for $6.25, “all the man had to his name,” according to deputies.
“He’s not the same bear,” said one volunteer at the rehab center. “He keeps muttering about starting a GoFundMe and insists he can quit anytime.”
Rehab staff say the bear’s showing signs of improvement but still refuses to wear shoes, insists on being called “Cooter,” and keeps trying to escape to visit his fiancé’, Crystal, who works the night shift at the Waffle House in Denham.
