CENTRAL, La. – After years of public complaints, BREC officials finally admitted they had no idea Central’s parks existed. “The map we’ve been using since Katrina was folded in half,” said one administrator. “Central was on the crease.”
The confession came as Central announced plans to break away from BREC and take over park management. BREC officials appeared stunned, asking, “Wait—that’s our jurisdiction?”
Residents cited rusted playgrounds, collapsing pavilions, and splash pads with the water pressure of a gentle sigh. One local claimed the last time BREC showed up was “to borrow a ladder and never return it.”
In the wake of the split, BREC is reportedly drafting a waiver requiring Central to acknowledge its ongoing right to claim the amount of fuel it would have used on park maintenance—helping explain why past audits revealed tens of thousands in missing fuel that was never addressed.
Residents say they’re just excited their kids might finally use the slide without needing a tetanus booster.
Meanwhile, The Sadvocate has recommended erecting a commemorative seesaw that only tilts left, in honor of BREC’s consistent inability to move anything forward.
