BATON ROUGE, La. – In a groundbreaking fusion of satire and sentencing, the 19th Judicial District Court has formally retained the editorial team at The Sadvocate to assist judges in crafting future non-existent criminal charges.
The Sadvocate, a South Louisiana publication widely known for delivering fake news with unsettling accuracy, was reportedly chosen after Judge Eboni Johnson Rose charged a defendant with “misdemeanor malfeasance”—a crime that does not exist, but bore a striking resemblance to past Sadvocate headlines. Rather than facing removal, the judge received eight months of paid leave and was ultimately returned to the bench, prompting the court to describe the outlet’s involvement as a “natural fit.”
“Frankly, we were impressed,” said a 19th JDC spokesperson. “It sounded like something The Sadvocate would’ve written—and we admire that level of creativity.”
Under the agreement, The Sadvocate will consult on proposed charges such as: Second-Degree Misinformation, Unauthorized Rapid Exit from a Hostile Encounter, and Reckless Use of Sarcasm Near a Government Official.
Monthly workshops, branded “Felonies That Feel Real,” will guide judges through the fine art of confidently charging citizens with things that aren’t technically crimes, but definitely feel like they should be.
“Look, I’m not saying I condone making up crimes,” said District Attorney Hillar Moore, sipping from a recently acquired limited edition pink Sadvocate tumbler. “But if we’re gonna do it, I’d rather we get help from true professionals.”
After all, if judges are going to invent laws, they might as well outsource the creativity.
