Louisiana Officials Celebrate Third Straight Day Of Historically Low Illegal Balloon Releases
Officials said balloon-related incidents have fallen to their lowest level in state history, though they acknowledged the official reporting period currently covers approximately 72 hours.
Louisiana Legislature Celebrates New Laws Taking Effect By Immediately Drafting Bills To Correct Them
Louisiana lawmakers reportedly wasted no time fixing the laws that just took effect by immediately drafting new laws to fix the old new laws.
Mitch Landrieu Hires Anonymous Company To Remove Social Media Replies He Says Do Not Reflect His Values
An anonymous overnight crew reportedly spent hours removing negative replies from beneath Mitch Landrieu’s social media posts, insisting the comments were merely being relocated.
Flock Camera Sues Company For Mental Anguish After Assignment To I-10 in Baton Rouge
The camera is reportedly seeking counseling, damages, and a permanent transfer to literally any highway where vehicles occasionally exceed 10 miles per hour.
Louisiana Election Officials Admit It’s Cheaper To Just Leave Cleo Fields’ Name On Every Ballot
Louisiana election officials say they’ve finally found a way to save taxpayer money: just leave Cleo Fields’ name on every ballot permanently.
Landry Administration Opens Preliminary Discussions On Returning New Orleans To France
State attorneys are reportedly searching the Louisiana Purchase documents for a return policy after France politely declined Louisiana’s preliminary inquiry about reacquiring New Orleans.
EBR District Attorney Renames Office to ‘St. George Legal Challenge Fund’ To Improve Chances Of Getting Paid
After months of asking for more funding, the District Attorney reportedly discovered the easiest solution was simply renaming his office after something the City-Parish already loves spending money on.
Baton Rouge Unveils Historic Grass Preservation Initiative After Running Out Of Mowing Money
Baton Rouge has officially solved its grass-cutting budget problem by simply declaring the grass historically significant.
EBR Parish Attorney Assures Residents They’re Only Three More Courtroom Defeats Away From Accepting St. George
East Baton Rouge officials assured residents this week that they’re now just three more court room losses away from finally accepting that St. George exists, insisting the latest legal challenge is simply part of a healthy healing process.
Residents Relieved They No Longer Have To Explain Why Baton Rouge’s Hockey Team Name Had Nothing To Do With Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge residents say the best part of the Kingfish returning isn’t hockey—it’s never having to explain the Zydeco name again.
New Orleans Quietly Lists Slightly Used Attorney General Indictment On Facebook Marketplace
NEW ORLEANS, LA – Just hours after asking that criminal charges against Attorney General Liz Murrill be dropped, New Orleans officials reportedly listed the city’s slightly used indictment on Facebook Marketplace in hopes that another municipality might have a need for it. The listing describes the indictment as being in “excellent condition,” noting it was […]
Tennessee Emergency Management Urges Football Fans Not To Panic Buy Mustard And Golf Balls Ahead Of LSU Game
Officials assured residents there is plenty of mustard and plenty of golf balls for everyone, provided fans remember what they were originally designed to do.
The Sadvocate Editorial Board Declares State Of Emergency Following Nissan Altima Discontinuation
Nissan may have discontinued the Altima, but The Sadvocate isn’t ready to let one of its most dependable recurring characters retire just yet.
Lane Regional Hospital Updates Dating Profile, Seeks Partner With MRI Machine And Healthy Cash Reserve
Lane Regional finally upgraded to premium because the free version kept matching them with broke hospital systems.
New Siegen Lane Design Will Feature State-Of-The-Art Places To Sit Through Three Light Cycles
Local commuters welcomed the investment, saying they’ll finally have something nice to admire while inching forward three car lengths every six minutes.
Explosive Diarrhea Prompts Taco Bell Customers To Wonder Whether They Should Seek Medical Care Or Leave Five-Star Review
When Taco Bell customers started experiencing explosive diarrhea, many admitted the toughest decision wasn’t calling a doctor, it was figuring out whether the meal still deserved five stars.
Boosie Offered 10% Off His Next Presidential Pardon After Delivery Mishap
Customer service reportedly couldn’t deliver the presidential pardon, but they were more than happy to offer Boosie 10% off the next one.
Landry Signs Executive Order Requiring Every New Orleans Official To Watch Schoolhouse Rock Before Taking Office
The Governor says a mandatory Schoolhouse Rock refresher should help New Orleans leaders better distinguish between political disagreements and actual constitutional authority.
NOLA Officials Ask State To “Spot Them A Few More Million” So They Can Go After Attorney General
Fresh off borrowing $125 million from the state, New Orleans officials reportedly admitted they just need a little more Louisiana money before they can continue going after Attorney General Liz Murrill.
Officials Confirm LSU Lakes Construction Site Now Eligible For Historical Landmark Status
After years of dredging, detours, and progress updates, officials say the LSU Lakes construction site has officially been around long enough to qualify for historical landmark status.
Recall Organizers Confident Goal Would Be Reached If Signature Requirement Were Eliminated
Campaign leaders described the signature thresholds as “the primary obstacle” preventing the recalls from moving forward, adding that nearly every other aspect of the efforts has gone according to plan.
Louisiana Governor Unveils Pathway To Cajun Citizenship For Children Born North Of I-10
Under Governor Jeff Landry’s proposal, children born in North Louisiana would receive temporary “Provisional Cajun” status while completing years of cultural requirements.
James Carville Furious Louisiana Senate Election Temporarily Distracts Him From Complaining About Trump
Witnesses say Carville repeatedly tried steering every conversation back to Trump, somehow connecting him to voter turnout, campaign signs, polling locations, and even the humidity.
Officials Confirm Elayn Hunt Prison Contraband Operation Has Outgrown Several Louisiana Ports
State officials confirmed this week that Elayn Hunt Correctional Center has officially become Louisiana’s third-largest port by volume of imported consumer goods.
SB 466 Reassures Residents Their Land Will Only Be Seized By Domestic Interests, Not Foreign Ones
SB 466 protects Louisiana property owners from foreign land grabs while carefully preserving the state’s ability to conduct locally sourced land grabs when necessary.
EBR Schools Marks Seven Straight Days Without Campus Gun Incident
EBR administrators marked seven straight incident-free days this week, a streak experts are attributing primarily to locked doors and zero students.
Democrats Demand Supreme Court Agree to “Best Two Out of Three” Series on Louisiana Congressional Map Ruling
Democrats say the Supreme Court ruling on Louisiana’s congressional map only counts as Game One, and they’re now pushing for a full best-of-three series before accepting defeat.
Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
Baton Rouge Activists Complete Impressive Career Shift From City Planning Experts to School District Authorities
Local experts who just wrapped up their decade-long run as city planners have already rebranded as education policy specialists. Officials say the turnaround time was “impressively aggressive.”
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.