BATON ROUGE, La. – After years of construction, lane closures, and taxpayer-funded optimism, the long-awaited College Drive exit ramp officially opened Wednesday morning—delivering drivers directly into the gridlock they were trying to avoid.
“This ramp is a game-changer,” said a DOTD spokesperson. “It now allows motorists to transition from going nowhere on the interstate to going nowhere on surface streets in record time.”
A ribbon-cutting ceremony is planned for later this week, though some drivers have already begun treating the new ramp like a grand opening—complete with honking, confusion, and that signature moment where no one knows which lane is theirs. One motorist, visibly sweating, asked, “Wait… was that it?”
DOTD describes the merge zone as ‘a thrilling plunge into chaos,’ reminiscent of a rollercoaster—if the ride stalled immediately after leaving the station. When asked how the project would reduce congestion, one DOTD planner shrugged and replied, “It won’t. But now there’s a ramp.”
Following the ramp’s unveiling, DOTD quickly pivoted to its next big project: determining which nearby lanes can be closed indefinitely to maintain a healthy level of confusion. ‘We’re committed to consistency,’ one spokesperson said. ‘If people ever feel like they know where they’re going, we’ve failed.
