Former Louisiana House Speaker Pleads Not Guilty to Artifact Theft, Cites State’s Longstanding Tradition Of Losing Things
A courtroom plea meets Louisiana tradition, as a former House Speaker’s defense points to the state’s long history of misplacing things and acting surprised when someone notices.
St. George Planning Commission Shocks Parish by Delaying Major Housing Project to Review Traffic and Flooding Impacts
In an unexpected break from parish tradition, St. George officials chose to pause the project, review traffic and flooding concerns, and resist the urge to approve first and explain consequences later.
Judge Evicts Store Owner From Highland Road Property, Clarifies Criminal Activity Welcome to Continue
A judge has officially shut down the store but not the scene, removing the owner while leaving everything else exactly where it’s always been.
Moreno Signs Executive Order to Liquidate Latoya Cantrell’s Frequent Flier Miles, Pays Off Entire City Debt With Proceeds
City officials confirmed New Orleans eliminated its entire debt after liquidating former Mayor LaToya Cantrell’s frequent flier miles, a move accountants called “embarrassingly effective.”
Jeff Landry Volunteers to Run Venezuela for Trump, Appoints Nungesser to Handle “That Greenland Thing” For Him
Governor Jeff Landry reportedly offered to run Venezuela, while casually assigning Billy Nungesser to handle Greenland.
State Rep. Paula Davis’ Farewell Party Gets “Accidentally” Scheduled at Louisiana Democratic Party Headquarters
Republican voters finally found common ground with one of her decisions, and the farewell party location may have said the quiet part out loud.
Louisiana Officials Confirm Calling to Report a Hands-Free Violation is Also a Hands-Free Violation
Louisiana officials confirmed that calling police to report a hands-free driving violation also counts as a hands-free violation, effectively ensuring every concerned citizen remains equally guilty.
Minnesota Democrats Warn That Stopping Fraud Could Damage Community Trust in Future Fraud
Minnesota officials cautioned that cracking down on massive fraud now could discourage future participation, undermine trust, and create unrealistic expectations that taxpayer money is actually monitored.
Government Admits Chemtrail Program Delayed After Difficulty Finding Pilots Willing to Poison Their Own Families
The government’s alleged chemtrail operation has reportedly stalled, not because of exposure, but because officials can’t find pilots willing to gas themselves and everyone they love.
Group Studying Mississippi River Bridge Feasibility Now Tasked With Reviewing U.S.–Greenland Connection at Landry’s Direction
Louisiana officials confirmed the Mississippi River bridge study group has been instructed by Jeff Landry to expand its scope internationally, adding a preliminary review of a possible bridge connecting the U.S. to Greenland.
Trump Campaign Calls Nicki Minaj Endorsement a “Cultural Drop,” Declines to Explain Further
The Trump campaign labeled Nicki Minaj’s endorsement a “cultural drop,” admitting the phrase sounded confident enough to avoid follow-up questions or the need for an actual explanation.
Chuck Schumer Earns Lowest Approval Leader Crown, Now Less Popular Than Waiting in DMV Line
Chuck Schumer’s approval rating has fallen so low that aides now describe it as “conceptual,” insisting leadership isn’t about popularity but about enduring long enough for voters to forget why they were annoyed.
Jeff Landry Mandates Live Polar Bears Appear at All Future Greenland Football Games, Calls It “Tradition-Building”
Greenland tried football without traditions. Jeff Landry fixed that by mandating live polar bears on the sidelines, proving Louisiana solutions work everywhere, regardless of climate, common sense, or liability laws.
Landry Signs Executive Order to Build Tony Chachere’s Distribution Center in Greenland After Discovering Food There Has “No Real Seasoning”
Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry signed an executive order exporting Tony Chachere’s to Greenland after determining the region’s cuisine lacked seasoning, heat, and any understanding of what “make it taste right” means.
As Newly Appointed Envoy to Greenland, Jeff Landry Immediately Demands to See Their Football Coaching Contract
Newly appointed Greenland envoy Jeff Landry reportedly stalled diplomatic talks after demanding football contracts and gumbo before determining whether Greenland was ready for serious engagement.
Cantrell Removes Mayor-Elect Banners, Says They Sent Wrong Message That Change Is Coming
New Orleans removed banners celebrating the mayor-elect after the sitting mayor said they sent the wrong message, mainly that any change was coming.
Louisiana Lawmakers Learn Most 13-Year-Olds Do Not Own Government-Issued Identification
A federal judge reminded Louisiana lawmakers that children are, legally and practically, children, ending a social media law that required 13-year-olds to present IDs they do not have.
Ole Miss Football Changes Facebook Relationship Status to “It’s Complicated” After Hiring LSU Interim Coach
Ole Miss insists hiring LSU’s interim coach was purely professional, a claim immediately undermined by its decision to label the entire situation “It’s Complicated” and refuse further questions.
East Baton Rouge Family Court Promises Reform Once All Pending Favors Are Resolved
East Baton Rouge Family Court says reforms are coming soon, but only after resolving outstanding favors officials describe as necessary to avoid unnecessary disruption.
EBR Schools Consider Sonic Partnership, Citing Company’s “Longstanding Experience With Fights”
After another school fight, EBR officials think outside the classroom, eyeing an unlikely partner whose parking lots have quietly hosted Louisiana’s conflict resolution for decades.
After Surf Lake Backlash, Central Mayor Announces Even Bigger $400 Million Casino Resort Project
Critics laughed at Central’s surf lake plan. The mayor responded by casually announcing a $400 million casino instead. Problem solved.
East Baton Rouge Metro Council Accused of Violating State Constitution, Requests Copy to See What’s In It
A lawsuit alleges the Metro Council violated the state constitution, prompting members to request a copy to review what’s actually in it.
Donaldsonville Council Will Now Allow Cameras at Meetings, Requires All Footage Be Edited by Mayor’s Cousin Before Release
Donaldsonville leaders have unveiled a new approach to transparency that requires all meeting footage to be edited by the mayor’s cousin before the public ever sees it.
After Baton Rouge and New Orleans Tour, ICE Agents Request Transfer to “Something Calmer,” Like Gaza
ICE agents say Gaza “seems peaceful” after spending several days in Baton Rouge and New Orleans, citing South Louisiana’s unique blend of traffic, politics, and Dodge Chargers driving recklessly.
ICE Overwhelmed by Self-Deportation Requests From Immigrants Who Have Been Stuck in College Drive Traffic Since 2023
ICE agents were stunned to find motorists who hadn’t moved since 2023, many now choosing deportation over one more minute of College Drive.
Brian Kelly Offers to Coach ‘One Last Game’ After Reading About the Texas Bowl’s Cougar Hospitality Suite
Brian Kelly has decided he’s not quite done at LSU, and it definitely has nothing to do with the Texas Bowl’s Cougar Hospitality Suite.
NOLA Residents Rally Against ICE, Fear Safer Streets Could Lead to Higher Rent and Fewer Viral Carjacking Videos
Protestors in New Orleans came out in the rain this week, not to oppose crime, but to defend it from ICE. Locals say safer streets could ruin the city’s “authentic experience.”
Lane Kiffin Forced to Skip ESPN College GameDay in Atlanta After Getting Stuck in I-10 Traffic
Lane Kiffin’s first major setback at LSU came from the existential nightmare of I-10 traffic, which trapped him so completely he missed his scheduled GameDay appearance in Atlanta.
New Orleans Residents Oppose ICE, Worried That Accountability Could Spread to Other Parts of Government
Protesters promised to return as long as law enforcement continues threatening the city’s long-standing tradition of low expectations.
In Lieu of Raises, City-Parish Authorizes BRPD to Deliver for DoorDash and UberEats in Patrol Vehicles
City leaders insist the SIDE HUSTLE UNIT will “boost retention,” but officers argue that when a department relies on gig-app deliveries to keep paychecks afloat, retention might not be the core issue anymore.