BATON ROUGE, LA – Citing a “rapidly growing problem,” Governor Jeff Landry announced Tuesday that Louisiana will welcome additional ICE agents—not to target undocumented immigrants, but to finally address the overwhelming presence of Texas license plates on Louisiana roads.
“For too long, we’ve turned a blind eye to this invasion,” Landry said, pointing to a map covered in pins representing out-of-state Nissan Altimas. “You can’t drive three blocks in Baton Rouge without seeing one of these things driving around like absolute maniacs.”
Landry said he plans to station ICE agents at key intersections, near all check cashing businesses and vape shops—locations identified as “hot zones” for offenders. The governor is also creating a “Vehicle Immigration Court” to determine whether each Altima should be impounded or crushed and recycled on the spot.
One critic called the plan “wildly unconstitutional,” but changed his tune on the way to work the next morning after getting sideswiped by an Altima with 3 different color body parts, a rear bumper hanging and an inattentive driver looking down at her phone while barreling through an intersection.
“At this point, I don’t even care if they’re legal,” said one Baton Rouge resident. “If you’re driving a Texas-tagged Altima 40 over in the rain with one headlight, you’re a threat to public safety.”
Several ICE agents threatened to resign when they heard the news, not about the Altimas, but about having to be stationed in Baton Rouge overnight.
