Baton Rouge’s New Traffic Congestion Museum Lets Residents Relive Daily Gridlock
Experience the joy of Baton Rouge traffic without ever turning on your car! The city’s new Traffic Congestion Museum lets visitors relive gridlock, road rage, and endless detours—all from a stationary seat.
Mayor Cantrell Declares D.C. a Suburb of New Orleans to Circumvent Travel Ban
Facing a travel ban, Mayor Cantrell found a loophole—simply redefining Washington, D.C. as part of New Orleans. Meanwhile, locals worry DA Jason Williams might start dropping charges for Congress members.
NOPD Launches ‘Catch and Release’ Program for Store Clerks Attempting to Defend Themselves
NOPD’s new “Catch and Release” policy ensures store clerks who defend themselves face immediate legal consequences—while armed robbers get a lecture, a free Uber ride, and a city-sponsored second chance.
New Orleans Celebrates 20-Year Anniversary of Abandoned Six Flags Park by Finally Noticing It’s Still There
The rusted roller coasters of New Orleans’ abandoned Six Flags have outlasted most local roads, public transit, and political careers. The city is now considering branding it a “historic ruin.”
LSU Launches Degree in Political Corruption Studies to Prepare Future Leaders
LSU’s new Political Corruption Studies program embraces Louisiana’s rich legacy of backroom deals, offering courses like the Edwin Edwards Election Manipulation Masterclass and the William Jefferson ‘Cold Cash’ Seminar.
Trump to Ukraine: ‘You Can Pay for Weapons with Trump NFTs, Very Valuable!’
In what might be the boldest financial strategy since Trump Steaks, former President Donald Trump has proposed that Ukraine pay for U.S. military aid using Trump NFTs. While President Zelenskyy was reportedly ‘unimpressed,’ insiders claim Putin is considering investing—just in case they skyrocket in value.
CATS Strike Ends, Officials Still Recommend Leaving for Work a Day Early
After striking for better wages and conditions, CATS drivers have returned—but with fewer buses running than ever, some passengers wonder if the strike ever really ended. Meanwhile, customer service remains unavailable, as the hotline operators are still waiting for a bus to get to work.
Saints QB Derek Carr Agrees to Pay Cut After Watching a Highlight Reel of Last Season
Derek Carr has officially taken a pay cut, proving once and for all that even quarterbacks can feel guilt after watching themselves complete six-yard passes on 3rd-and-12.
Baton Rouge Introduces Brave Cave Escape Room Experience for Tourists
Baton Rouge’s Brave Cave Escape Room lets visitors experience the thrill of escaping a secretive police facility—without legal representation. The highlight? Guests get to turn off their escort’s body cam first.
Baton Rouge Man Opens Used Car Lot, Names It ‘Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service’
Customers raved about the unbeatable prices at “Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service,” only to later realize they had unknowingly entered into a crime scene rather than a dealership.
Despite Losing Union Rights, TSA Assures Public That 3oz Cologne Bottles Will Still Be Treated as Explosives
Despite losing collective bargaining rights, TSA agents remain unwavering in their most sacred duty: ensuring that no traveler successfully sneaks a 3.4oz bottle of cologne past security. Because if they can’t have fair wages, neither can you have your overpriced Polo Sport.
WNBA Strike Could Lead to Record-Low Attendance—If That Were Possible
As WNBA players push for better treatment, league officials face their toughest challenge yet: convincing fans to notice the strike is happening in the first place.
Senator Cassidy’s 2026 Plan: Hope Opponent is Somehow Even Worse
Senator Bill Cassidy’s 2026 re-election strategy? Hoping his opponent is worse. With voters frustrated by both parties, Cassidy’s campaign leans on the motto: “The Devil You Know.” Will it work?
BRPD Accepts Library Bailout, Agrees to Transform Police Units Into Bookmobiles
A $25M bailout from the East Baton Rouge Library now requires BRPD to keep every patrol unit stocked with books. Judges are thrilled, as fewer arrests mean fewer criminals to process and immediately release without bond.
Baton Rouge Issues First ‘Dead or Alive’ Bounty in a Century: Local Saloons on High Alert
The U.S. Marshals’ “Wanted: Dead or Alive” alert has Baton Rouge looking like the Wild West, with locals wondering if bounty hunters will start riding into town.
Jeff Landry Forms the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) Agency to Begin Deporting Foreign Shrimp
Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry has declared war on illegal Chinese shrimp, launching the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) to raid restaurants suspected of serving non-local seafood. “This is an attack on our heritage,” he warned.
Al Green Responds to Censure by Holding Up an Uno Reverse Card on House Floor
In a stunning act of defiance, Rep. Al Green held up an Uno Reverse card after his censure, leaving Congress bewildered and questioning if House rules allowed for such a move.
City Leaders Allegedly Turning Baton Rouge Into a Parody to Undermine The Sadvocate
We figured another satire site would eventually be our biggest competition,’ The Sadvocate admitted. ‘We never expected the Baton Rouge city government to be the one putting us out of business.’
NYC Mayoral Race Heats Up: Adrienne Adams Promises to Replace ‘Chaos’ with ‘Organized Chaos’
Under Adams’ leadership, chaos in NYC won’t vanish—it’ll just be more predictable. Her new ‘Chaos Calendar’ app will notify residents of peak dysfunction hours, ensuring they plan their suffering accordingly.
Buc-ee’s Unveils $82M Travel Center Plan—State Officials Wonder If It’s Too Late to Ask for a Loan
Buc-ee’s is investing $82 million in Lafayette, leaving Louisiana officials wondering if they can borrow some cash to fix crumbling roads. At this point, the beaver might be the state’s best planner.
Saints Re-Sign Clyde Edwards-Helaire After Realizing They Ran Out of Other Ideas
The Saints have re-signed Clyde Edwards-Helaire after exhausting all other options. “We thought about signing a rookie, but nostalgia won out,” said the GM. Fans remain cautiously optimistic—again.
After Latest Controversy Baton Rouge Councilman Officially Changes Name to Cleve Dunnitagain
Baton Rouge Councilman Cleve Dunn Jr., now officially Cleve Dunnitagain, adds another controversy to his list after a student collapsed at a warehouse he co-leases, raising new questions about safety and oversight.
LSU ‘Lake Bed Walking Tours’ Offer Baton Rouge Residents a Firsthand Look at Where Their Tax Dollars Went
The New ‘Lake Bed Walking Tours’ Offer Baton Rouge Residents a Firsthand Look at Where Their Tax Dollars Went, allowing guests to explore scenic dirt paths, thriving weed fields, and the remnants of government efficiency.
CATS Strike Enters Day 3 – Baton Rouge Residents Still Waiting to Be Affected
Officials say they are working toward a resolution, but at this point, they’re also considering just quietly removing the entire bus system and seeing if anyone even notices.
Governor Mandates Live Beavers at Every Louisiana Buc-ee’s, Citing Lifelong Love for Them
Governor Jeff Landry has mandated a live beaver at every Buc-ee’s in Louisiana, citing his deep, lifelong passion for beavers—one that started in college and only grew stronger.
NOAA Layoffs Change Nothing—Meteorologists Still Using ‘Partly Cloudy’ as a Safe Bet
Despite NOAA layoffs, weather forecasts remain unchanged, with meteorologists still relying on “partly cloudy” as the safest prediction. Experts assure the public that vague guesses will continue uninterrupted.
Baton Rouge Schools Announce They Will Reopen Tuesday Solely to Shut Down for Bad Weather
In a commitment to tradition, Baton Rouge schools will briefly reopen just to officially shut down for mild rain and wind. Officials insist the closure is necessary, reminding everyone that in Louisiana, it’s better to be overly cautious than slightly inconvenienced.
Baton Rouge Officials Declare Victory as Only Half of Parade-Goers Had Their Cars Broken Into This Year
Baton Rouge officials are celebrating progress after this year’s Mardi Gras parade saw “only” half of attendees’ cars broken into. Police credit the improvement to a new strategy: hoping for the best.
Blue Ghost Lands on Moon, Finds Old Movie Set from 1969 Still Intact
NASA quickly denied involvement, calling the discovery a “natural lunar formation.” Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists celebrated, declaring it undeniable proof that the moon landing was staged.
Dozens of CATS Bus Drivers Unable to Attend Their Own Strike Due to Lack of Buses
The CATS bus strike faced an unexpected challenge today—most of the striking drivers couldn’t make it to the picket line because they rely on the bus to get there.