BATON ROUGE, La. – After another Mardi Gras season wrapped up, city officials proudly announced that only half of parade-goers had their cars broken into this year, marking a “significant improvement” over last year’s numbers.

“We’re seeing real progress,” said a city spokesperson. “Last year, it was closer to 75%, so this is a win for public safety.”

Police credit the success to their new crime prevention strategy, which involved parking a single squad car near the parade route and hoping for the best. Unfortunately, that squad car was also broken into.

Victims, however, remain skeptical. “I left my doors unlocked so they wouldn’t break my windows,” said one resident. “They broke them anyway. I respect the commitment.”

While city officials celebrated, criminals were reportedly disappointed. “The competition is getting tougher,” said one anonymous thief. “Used to be, you could hit three cars in a row. Now you gotta actually check if someone beat you to it.”