Landry Signs Executive Order Requiring Every New Orleans Official To Watch Schoolhouse Rock Before Taking Office
The Governor says a mandatory Schoolhouse Rock refresher should help New Orleans leaders better distinguish between political disagreements and actual constitutional authority.
NOLA Official Seeks Indictment Against State Trooper After Being Warned Speeding Could Result In A Ticket
A New Orleans official has reportedly found the next great threat to democracy: a state trooper who warned that speeding could result in a ticket.
NOLA Officials Ask State To “Spot Them A Few More Million” So They Can Go After Attorney General
Fresh off borrowing $125 million from the state, New Orleans officials reportedly admitted they just need a little more Louisiana money before they can continue going after Attorney General Liz Murrill.
Recall Organizers Confident Goal Would Be Reached If Signature Requirement Were Eliminated
Campaign leaders described the signature thresholds as “the primary obstacle” preventing the recalls from moving forward, adding that nearly every other aspect of the efforts has gone according to plan.
State Opens Recovery Program For Voters Traumatized By Endless Senate Campaign Ads
Therapists report a surge in patients suffering from campaign ad fatigue after months of nonstop political commercials.
James Carville Furious Louisiana Senate Election Temporarily Distracts Him From Complaining About Trump
Witnesses say Carville repeatedly tried steering every conversation back to Trump, somehow connecting him to voter turnout, campaign signs, polling locations, and even the humidity.
Audit Findings Catch State Department Officials Completely Off Guard For 47th Consecutive Time
After another audit uncovered concerns, lawmakers are reportedly considering mandatory training to explain that auditors are, in fact, supposed to look for problems.
Louisiana Man Stands In DMV Line So Long He Becomes Vested In State Retirement System
A Baton Rouge man who entered the DMV to renew his driver’s license in 2021 has reportedly accumulated enough time in line to become vested in Louisiana’s state retirement system.
Governor Announces $14 Million Plan To Turn Capitol Lake Purple And Gold Ahead Of LSU Football Season
The project includes specialized dyes, decorative tiger-themed shoreline improvements, and a giant tiger eye visible from satellite imagery, all designed to improve Louisiana’s image ahead of football season.
Latest Poll Confirms Nobody Has Any Idea Which Congressional District They Live In This Week
A new poll found that 87% of Louisiana voters have no idea which congressional district they currently live in, while the remaining 13% admitted they were mostly guessing.
New State Law Requires Shrimp To Name At Least 3 LSU Quarterbacks To Receive Local Label
Louisiana seafood processors are scrambling to comply with new labeling regulations after state officials announced that shrimp seeking an official Louisiana designation must now correctly name at least three LSU quarterbacks.
Recall Organizer Threatens To Recall Any Citizen Who Refuses To Sign All Three Recall Petitions
Facing multiple rapidly approaching recall petition deadlines, a Louisiana recall organizer has announced plans to begin recalling citizens who refuse to sign all three of her existing recall petitions.
Landry Names Grand Isle Native To Lead State Police After Learning He Can Back A Boat Trailer On First Attempt
Governor Jeff Landry reportedly ended his search for the next State Police superintendent moments after watching a Grand Isle native back a boat trailer into the water on the very first attempt.
Jeff Landry Warns McDonald’s Ice Cream Machine Saboteur That Louisiana Has 18,000 Acres Waiting For Them
Fresh off a ceremonial shift at McDonald’s, Governor Jeff Landry has reportedly identified Louisiana’s next major criminal threat: whoever keeps breaking the restaurant’s ice cream machines.
Senate Candidates Agree On One Thing: Other Candidate Is Probably Definitely Wrong About Something
After months of campaign ads and counter-ads, Louisiana voters say they remain uncertain where either candidate stands on several issues but are completely convinced the other candidate is wrong.
Jeff Landry Responds To White House UFC Event By Hosting Waffle House Employee Fights On Governor’s Mansion Lawn
Louisiana responds to the White House UFC event with the only logical next step: Waffle House employee fights.
East Baton Rouge Mosquitoes Ask Parish For Second Facility To Accommodate Their Rapid Growth
East Baton Rouge mosquitoes are reportedly seeking a second parish facility after years of population growth left the current headquarters unable to meet demand.
Bill Cassidy Signs Retirement Community NIL Deal Worth $400 In Early-Bird Buffet Credits, Unlimited Shuffleboard
Bill Cassidy’s post-Senate career is already off to a strong start after reportedly signing a retirement community deal worth $400 in buffet credits and unlimited shuffleboard.
Local Steakhouse Thanks St. Tammany Sheriff For Strong Second Quarter Earnings
Restaurant management declined to comment on the incident itself but confirmed they have already mailed the sheriff a plaque recognizing his contribution to local economic development.
EBR Officials Hire Ankle Monitor Monitor To Monitor Companies Monitoring Ankle Monitors
After multiple ankle monitor failures, officials say the obvious solution is hiring someone to monitor the people responsible for monitoring the ankle monitors.
Louisiana Creates Department of Balloon Enforcement Following Statewide Ban
Louisiana banned balloon releases and somehow ended up creating an entire state agency to make sure nobody releases balloons. Residents say the solution feels appropriately proportional.
Cajuns Demand Congressional District From Lafayette To Wherever Their Cousins Live
Louisiana lawmakers may be redrawing congressional maps, but Cajuns say the process won’t be fair until every cousin, camp, and boudin shop is represented in the same district.
Louisiana Insurance Companies Agree Rates Would Be Lower If Louisiana Were Located Somewhere Else
After years of studies, insurance companies say rates could drop dramatically if Louisiana could somehow be relocated to a completely different state.
Mayor Refutes Land Loss Report, Says New Orleans Has Been Financially Underwater For Years Already
New Orleans officials reportedly spent hours explaining that a new study about Louisiana being underwater referred to land, not the city’s budget.
SB 466 Reassures Residents Their Land Will Only Be Seized By Domestic Interests, Not Foreign Ones
SB 466 protects Louisiana property owners from foreign land grabs while carefully preserving the state’s ability to conduct locally sourced land grabs when necessary.
Engineers Confident New Orleans Tunnel Would Only Flood During “Heavy Dew”
City officials praised the new underground transit proposal as “revolutionary infrastructure,” which in New Orleans roughly translates to “we’ll see what happens.”
West Baton Rouge Parish Introduces “Signature Reserve Collection” of Public Information
West Baton Rouge officials are reportedly defending luxury-priced public records by reminding taxpayers they only paid to create the documents, not actually look at them.
Greenland Diplomats Reportedly Still Confused By Jeff Landry’s Repeated Coach O References During Arctic Talks
Newly released Greenland meeting transcripts reveal Jeff Landry discussed Coach O more than actual Arctic policy during his controversial overseas visit.
Louisiana DCFS Says Missing Paperwork Since 2012 Shows Long-Term Commitment To Reducing Clutter
After auditors discovered the same problems dating back to 2012, DCFS reportedly explained that eliminating paperwork entirely has dramatically improved office organization.
Recall Organizer Files Recall Petition Against Secretary of State Receptionist For Saying “You Again” On Third Visit
Baton Rouge’s most dedicated recall organizer has reportedly added a Secretary of State receptionist to her growing list of political enemies after being greeted with the phrase “You again.”