NEW ORLEANS, LA – Engineers behind Elon Musk’s proposed underground “NOLA Loop” transportation tunnel assured residents this week that the system is being specifically designed to withstand all normal weather conditions except “heavy dew, moderate rain, severe rain, regular humidity, king tides, afternoon showers, and anything involving water whatsoever.”
The proposed underground transit system would transport passengers beneath downtown New Orleans in Tesla vehicles through a series of high-speed tunnels officials described as “state-of-the-art” and “hopefully above whatever the water table is doing that day.”
City leaders praised the project as a revolutionary infrastructure investment for a city internationally known for existing slightly below sea level.
“We understand the public has concerns,” said one project engineer while standing ankle-deep in water during a press conference. “But we’ve incorporated several cutting-edge safety features, including industrial pumps, emergency flotation markings, and a backup plan where riders just kinda swim toward the light.”
Officials also confirmed the tunnel entrance would feature a color-coded warning system ranging from “Dry” to “Bring the bass boat.”
Several residents reportedly expressed excitement over finally having an underground transportation option capable of flooding faster than I-10.
