BATON ROUGE, LA – With Louisiana’s U.S. Senate runoff finally in the rearview mirror, state officials announced Sunday the opening of a temporary recovery program for residents suffering from prolonged exposure to campaign commercials, text messages, and mailbox-clogging political flyers.
The free program offers counseling, blood pressure screenings, and a quiet room where participants can watch thirty consecutive minutes of television without hearing the phrase, “I’m [candidate], and I approve this message.”
Medical professionals say many patients are still exhibiting symptoms, including instinctively reaching for the remote every commercial break and becoming suspicious whenever anyone begins a sentence with, “Let me tell you the truth about…”
“We’re seeing thousands of cases of campaign ad fatigue,” one therapist explained. “Several patients have reported hearing dramatic political narration while shopping for groceries.”
Officials estimate the average Louisiana voter was exposed to approximately 19,000 campaign advertisements over the past several months, though nobody could verify the number because everyone stopped counting around ad number 9,700.
Doctors expect most residents to make a full recovery before the next election cycle begins sometime next Wednesday.
