BATON ROUGE, LA – After months of campaign ads, mailers, endorsements, rebuttals, counter-rebuttals, and social media arguments, Louisiana’s U.S. Senate candidates have reportedly found rare common ground: the firm belief that the other candidate is probably definitely wrong about… something.
Political observers say the race has now reached the traditional Louisiana campaign stage where both sides spend significantly more time explaining their opponent’s positions than their own.
“We may not know exactly where either candidate stands on every issue,” said one Baton Rouge voter while sorting through a stack of campaign mailers that had accumulated on his kitchen table. “But I can tell you with absolute certainty that each campaign believes the other candidate is a disaster.”
Sources say voters have spent the last several months attempting to piece together candidate positions using a combination of television commercials, Facebook posts, endorsements from people they’ve never heard of, and grainy screenshots circulating in group texts.
Meanwhile, campaign consultants on both sides remain confident their messaging is working.
“Our internal polling shows voters are increasingly convinced the other candidate is wrong,” said one strategist. “The next step is determining whether voters know about what.”
At press conferences, both campaigns continued insisting the election is the most important Senate race in Louisiana history while simultaneously accusing their opponent of supporting positions that often require a flowchart, three footnotes, and a follow-up clarification to fully understand.
Election experts predict the race will ultimately be decided by whichever campaign can most effectively convince undecided voters that the other candidate is, beyond any reasonable doubt, probably definitely wrong about something.
