DOTD Unveils Newly Redesigned I-12 Barrier After Visiting 3rd Grade Science Class
DOTD engineers say a recent elementary school science lesson provided several “valuable new insights” into why concrete interstate barriers may cause flooding.
Cassidy Campaign Purchases “Flashy Thing” From Men in Black to Help Voters Forget Last 11 Years
Witnesses claim Cassidy briefly flashed a strange device at supporters before everyone suddenly started calling him “a consistent conservative.”
Baton Rouge Ankle Monitoring Company Celebrates 100th Customer-Related Shooting Incident
A Baton Rouge ankle monitoring company is celebrating a major milestone after its devices officially reached 100 customer-related shootings without a single equipment failure.
Landry Recall Organizers Accused Of Disenfranchising Thousands After Requiring Photo ID To Sign Petition
Organizers defended the rules by explaining that democracy works best when verification standards fluctuate depending on who’s being targeted.
Landry Reassigns Entire DMV Workforce to Recall Verification Division, Results Expected by Early 2031
Jeff Landry’s newest strategy for surviving a recall reportedly involves routing every signature through the same people handling Real IDs and broken ticket printers.
Democrats Demand Supreme Court Agree to “Best Two Out of Three” Series on Louisiana Congressional Map Ruling
Democrats say the Supreme Court ruling on Louisiana’s congressional map only counts as Game One, and they’re now pushing for a full best-of-three series before accepting defeat.
Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
After Supreme Court Tosses Map, Senior Official Confirms It Was Drawn by His 5-Year-Old Neice for “Fresh Perspective”
Louisiana’s rejected congressional map might make more sense now after officials confirmed it was originally drawn by a 5-year-old before being “cleaned up” for presentation.
Proposed Bill Requires DOTD to Repurpose Existing Potholes for I-12 Wall Drainage
Louisiana may have finally found a use for all those interstate potholes, flood control. A new proposal suggests moving them directly into the I-12 barrier wall.
Landry Pushes Trump to Open Strait of Hormuz to Licensed Louisiana Fishermen After Taking Him Fishing There
After Trump reportedly caught multiple mackerel in the Strait of Hormuz, Landry now wants Louisiana fishermen to have access to the same waters.
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.
Mandie Landry Takes Aim at AI in Campaigns, Says Only Human Lies Should Be Allowed
Louisiana may soon regulate campaign honesty, but only the artificial kind. A new bill targets AI in ads, leaving the state’s long tradition of human-crafted deception fully protected.
Jeff Landry Suggests Resolving Iran Conflict By Air Dropping Caniac Combos Over The Region “Until Everyone Calms Down”
Global tensions may be rising, but Jeff Landry believes the solution is simple: air drop enough Cane’s into the region until everyone settles down and starts thinking clearly.
CATS Says Emailing Bank Statement Monthly Impossible Due to Ongoing Shortage Of Non-Arrested Employees
CATS officials say a simple monthly task, downloading a bank statement, attaching it to an email, and clicking send, isn’t feasible given current staffing challenges.
Louisiana Officials Assure Residents Land Seizures Will Only Occur Where Land Exists Following HB7 Defeat
Members of the state legislature reassured residents that land seizures tied to carbon capture projects will occur only where land exists, and not anywhere else, following the defeat of a bill aimed at protecting property owners.
Two Years After Collapse, Baltimore Begins Rebuilding Bridge As Baton Rouge Enters Year 26 Of Study Phase
Baltimore went from total bridge collapse to active construction in two years. Baton Rouge officials say they’re making similar progress, now entering another phase of reviewing previous discussions.
Jeff Landry Taps Baton Rouge Traffic Engineers to Design Underground Carbon Storage, Ensuring It Goes Absolutely Nowhere
Landry says hiring Baton Rouge traffic engineers guarantees captured carbon will experience immediate delays, no clear path forward, and absolutely no chance of going anywhere.
Rick Edmonds Proposes Renaming I-10 “Donald Trump Expressway,” Expects Thousands to Stop Using It Immediately
Officials may have finally found a way to fix Baton Rouge traffic, and it doesn’t involve new lanes, just convincing thousands of drivers to avoid I-10 entirely.
Trump Bridge Plan Advances, Officials Confirm It Will Be Built Right After Everyone Calms Down
Officials confirmed construction will begin immediately after Louisiana residents achieve the unprecedented milestone of 24 consecutive hours without arguing about politics online or in traffic.
Trump Left Speechless as Rick Edmonds PAC Breaks Record for Most People Offended in 30 Seconds
Trump reportedly froze mid-sentence after watching a 30-second Edmonds super PAC ad, marking the first documented instance of the president being completely, undeniably speechless.
Landry to Relocate Gulf Seafood Into Strategic Petroleum Reserve Where Oil Levels Are Currently Lower
State officials say shrimp are already adapting to storage tanks, as fishermen question whether future catches will be labeled seafood, crude, or some federally approved combination.
State Announces Insurance Relief Will Arrive Shortly After Residents Can No Longer Afford It
State leaders confirmed lower rates are coming soon, assuming residents can maintain coverage long enough to eventually experience the savings.
Cassidy Campaign Manager Resigns After Learning Candidate Also Adds Kale to Etouffee
A campaign manager reportedly resigned after learning Cassidy put kale in his etouffee, saying voting to impeach Trump was easier to explain than greens in Cajun cooking.
LSU Says Releasing Athlete Pay Records to Media Would Jeopardize Ongoing Negotiations With Several High-End Car Dealerships
LSU says releasing athlete pay records could disrupt several delicate negotiations currently underway with high-end car dealerships, warning the disclosures could create serious competitive disadvantages in recruiting.
Mayor Edwards Team Placed on High Alert After Recall Effort Surges to 10 Signatures in First Month
Mayor Sid Edwards’ team reportedly moved to “high alert” after a recall effort surged to ten signatures in its first month, leaving organizers only 49,990 signatures away from their roughly 50,000 goal.
DMV Head Says Landry’s QR Inspection Sticker Plan Would Force Agency to Finally Upgrade From Windows 95
Governor Landry’s new QR inspection sticker plan promises cutting-edge technology for Louisiana drivers, assuming the OMV servers running Windows 95 can survive the shock of being asked to generate something from this century.
DOTD Delays New Mississippi Bridge 10 More Years, Orders a Dozen $19M Earthquake Studies
DOTD announced a dozen $19 million studies on earthquake effects after tremors rattled north Louisiana, pushing the long-promised Mississippi River bridge further into what officials call an “extended study phase.”
Lawmakers Kick Off Legislative Session With Plan to Lower Insurance Rates by Encouraging Fewer Claims
Several lawmakers say the root cause of high premiums is residents using the insurance policies they pay for, suggesting the simplest fix may be encouraging people to file fewer claims altogether.
Sen. Rick Edmonds Volunteers to Inspect Cuban Cigars in Havana for Louisiana Economic Partnership
Louisiana Sen. Rick Edmonds says he’s ready to help rebuild Cuba’s economy by inspecting cigars in Havana, a responsibility he admits may require a full weekend of careful evaluation.
Cassidy Calls for Debate, Says It’s Only Fair Voters Hear From Him Before Voting Against Him Again
Cassidy’s campaign confirmed the debate format will include opening statements, policy discussion, and a special segment where the senator walks voters through his impeachment vote using a whiteboard and several color-coded markers.