East Baton Rouge Mosquitoes Ask Parish For Second Facility To Accommodate Their Rapid Growth
East Baton Rouge mosquitoes are reportedly seeking a second parish facility after years of population growth left the current headquarters unable to meet demand.
Bill Cassidy Signs Retirement Community NIL Deal Worth $400 In Early-Bird Buffet Credits, Unlimited Shuffleboard
Bill Cassidy’s post-Senate career is already off to a strong start after reportedly signing a retirement community deal worth $400 in buffet credits and unlimited shuffleboard.
Local Steakhouse Thanks St. Tammany Sheriff For Strong Second Quarter Earnings
Restaurant management declined to comment on the incident itself but confirmed they have already mailed the sheriff a plaque recognizing his contribution to local economic development.
EBR Officials Hire Ankle Monitor Monitor To Monitor Companies Monitoring Ankle Monitors
After multiple ankle monitor failures, officials say the obvious solution is hiring someone to monitor the people responsible for monitoring the ankle monitors.
Louisiana Creates Department of Balloon Enforcement Following Statewide Ban
Louisiana banned balloon releases and somehow ended up creating an entire state agency to make sure nobody releases balloons. Residents say the solution feels appropriately proportional.
Cajuns Demand Congressional District From Lafayette To Wherever Their Cousins Live
Louisiana lawmakers may be redrawing congressional maps, but Cajuns say the process won’t be fair until every cousin, camp, and boudin shop is represented in the same district.
Louisiana Insurance Companies Agree Rates Would Be Lower If Louisiana Were Located Somewhere Else
After years of studies, insurance companies say rates could drop dramatically if Louisiana could somehow be relocated to a completely different state.
Mayor Refutes Land Loss Report, Says New Orleans Has Been Financially Underwater For Years Already
New Orleans officials reportedly spent hours explaining that a new study about Louisiana being underwater referred to land, not the city’s budget.
SB 466 Reassures Residents Their Land Will Only Be Seized By Domestic Interests, Not Foreign Ones
SB 466 protects Louisiana property owners from foreign land grabs while carefully preserving the state’s ability to conduct locally sourced land grabs when necessary.
Engineers Confident New Orleans Tunnel Would Only Flood During “Heavy Dew”
City officials praised the new underground transit proposal as “revolutionary infrastructure,” which in New Orleans roughly translates to “we’ll see what happens.”
West Baton Rouge Parish Introduces “Signature Reserve Collection” of Public Information
West Baton Rouge officials are reportedly defending luxury-priced public records by reminding taxpayers they only paid to create the documents, not actually look at them.
Greenland Diplomats Reportedly Still Confused By Jeff Landry’s Repeated Coach O References During Arctic Talks
Newly released Greenland meeting transcripts reveal Jeff Landry discussed Coach O more than actual Arctic policy during his controversial overseas visit.
Louisiana DCFS Says Missing Paperwork Since 2012 Shows Long-Term Commitment To Reducing Clutter
After auditors discovered the same problems dating back to 2012, DCFS reportedly explained that eliminating paperwork entirely has dramatically improved office organization.
Recall Organizer Files Recall Petition Against Secretary of State Receptionist For Saying “You Again” On Third Visit
Baton Rouge’s most dedicated recall organizer has reportedly added a Secretary of State receptionist to her growing list of political enemies after being greeted with the phrase “You again.”
DOTD Unveils Newly Redesigned I-12 Barrier After Visiting 3rd Grade Science Class
DOTD engineers say a recent elementary school science lesson provided several “valuable new insights” into why concrete interstate barriers may cause flooding.
Cassidy Campaign Purchases “Flashy Thing” From Men in Black to Help Voters Forget Last 11 Years
Witnesses claim Cassidy briefly flashed a strange device at supporters before everyone suddenly started calling him “a consistent conservative.”
Baton Rouge Ankle Monitoring Company Celebrates 100th Customer-Related Shooting Incident
A Baton Rouge ankle monitoring company is celebrating a major milestone after its devices officially reached 100 customer-related shootings without a single equipment failure.
Landry Recall Organizers Accused Of Disenfranchising Thousands After Requiring Photo ID To Sign Petition
Organizers defended the rules by explaining that democracy works best when verification standards fluctuate depending on who’s being targeted.
Landry Reassigns Entire DMV Workforce to Recall Verification Division, Results Expected by Early 2031
Jeff Landry’s newest strategy for surviving a recall reportedly involves routing every signature through the same people handling Real IDs and broken ticket printers.
Democrats Demand Supreme Court Agree to “Best Two Out of Three” Series on Louisiana Congressional Map Ruling
Democrats say the Supreme Court ruling on Louisiana’s congressional map only counts as Game One, and they’re now pushing for a full best-of-three series before accepting defeat.
Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
After Supreme Court Tosses Map, Senior Official Confirms It Was Drawn by His 5-Year-Old Neice for “Fresh Perspective”
Louisiana’s rejected congressional map might make more sense now after officials confirmed it was originally drawn by a 5-year-old before being “cleaned up” for presentation.
Proposed Bill Requires DOTD to Repurpose Existing Potholes for I-12 Wall Drainage
Louisiana may have finally found a use for all those interstate potholes, flood control. A new proposal suggests moving them directly into the I-12 barrier wall.
Landry Pushes Trump to Open Strait of Hormuz to Licensed Louisiana Fishermen After Taking Him Fishing There
After Trump reportedly caught multiple mackerel in the Strait of Hormuz, Landry now wants Louisiana fishermen to have access to the same waters.
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.
Mandie Landry Takes Aim at AI in Campaigns, Says Only Human Lies Should Be Allowed
Louisiana may soon regulate campaign honesty, but only the artificial kind. A new bill targets AI in ads, leaving the state’s long tradition of human-crafted deception fully protected.
Jeff Landry Suggests Resolving Iran Conflict By Air Dropping Caniac Combos Over The Region “Until Everyone Calms Down”
Global tensions may be rising, but Jeff Landry believes the solution is simple: air drop enough Cane’s into the region until everyone settles down and starts thinking clearly.
CATS Says Emailing Bank Statement Monthly Impossible Due to Ongoing Shortage Of Non-Arrested Employees
CATS officials say a simple monthly task, downloading a bank statement, attaching it to an email, and clicking send, isn’t feasible given current staffing challenges.
Louisiana Officials Assure Residents Land Seizures Will Only Occur Where Land Exists Following HB7 Defeat
Members of the state legislature reassured residents that land seizures tied to carbon capture projects will occur only where land exists, and not anywhere else, following the defeat of a bill aimed at protecting property owners.
Two Years After Collapse, Baltimore Begins Rebuilding Bridge As Baton Rouge Enters Year 26 Of Study Phase
Baltimore went from total bridge collapse to active construction in two years. Baton Rouge officials say they’re making similar progress, now entering another phase of reviewing previous discussions.