Livingston Parish Sheriff Transfers Deputy’s Boating DWI Arrest to Nonexistent Sea Division
When a Livingston Parish deputy was arrested for boating under the influence, the Sheriff’s Office quietly assigned the case to its “Sea Division.” The only problem? It doesn’t exist.
LSU Board Unanimously Selects Dr. Geoffry Landreau as New President
LSU’s newly appointed president, Dr. Geoffry Landreau, has announced a bold new vision: energy firm partnerships, a Buc-ee’s on campus, and a Trump statue—because nothing says higher education like brisket, branding, and oil diplomacy.
New Orleans District Attorney Accidentally Hires One of the Escaped Inmates as Assistant DA
In a development somehow both shocking and on-brand, the New Orleans DA’s office admitted it mistakenly hired one of the escaped inmates as a new Assistant District Attorney
Brusly Asks Why Addis Gets All the Fame: “We Had a Guy on Wheel of Fortune in ’03”
After one American Idol finalist put Addis on the map, neighboring Brusly is demanding recognition of its own — armed with bumper stickers, chili cook-off memories, and a guy who plays spoons when tipsy.
Parents Support Later School Start Times—Now Have 30 Extra Minutes to Argue Over Lunches
EBR schools are planning to start later next year—and not just because kids are tired, but because everyone’s tired of pretending they aren’t.
Orleans Sheriff Announces Escapees Can Now Serve Time Remotely via Zoom
Orleans Parish officials now say escaped inmates can serve time remotely—as long as they turn themselves in and keep their Zoom cameras on.
New Orleans Jail Considers Just Letting Everyone Out and Starting Over
Jail officials say they’re overwhelmed and “might just hit reset” after losing track of who’s supposed to be incarcerated.
TikTok Brits Ask for Best Louisiana Food, Confused When Locals Drop Them Off at Gas Station
BATON ROUGE, LA – British TikTokers Josh & Jase, currently on a quest to “taste the soul of the South,” were left utterly baffled Tuesday when they asked Baton Rouge locals for the best place to eat—and were casually dropped off at a gas station off Airline Highway. “We assumed they misunderstood the question,” said […]
19th JDC Replaces Metal Detectors With Scales, Announces Undercard Dockets on Mondays
After a courtroom brawl and back-to-back judge scandals, Baton Rouge’s 19th JDC courthouse is embracing chaos—by installing scales at the front door and announcing Monday undercards.
DA Partners with Ticketmaster to Sell Ringside Seating at Baton Rouge Courtroom Fights
The East Baton Rouge DA’s Office announced a new revenue stream this week: ticket sales to future courthouse fights. After a surprise melee broke out in a courtroom, officials saw an opportunity too lucrative to ignore.
Health Officials: Needles Handed Out on Siegen Lane Totally Unrelated to Used Needles Found All Over Siegen Lane
City officials are warning residents not to assume that the thousands of discarded syringes scattered across Siegen Lane have anything to do with the clinic on Siegen Lane that gives out thousands of syringes.
New Ankle Monitor Company for BR Courts Promises to at least Pretend to Monitor Defendants
Baton Rouge courts have hired a new ankle monitor provider with a refreshingly honest motto: “We’ll at least act like we’re trying.”
After 13,000 Absences, EBR School Board Declares Victory Over Overcrowding
Baton Rouge schools celebrate empty desks as a win against overcrowding—13,000 absent students means more “room to grow.”
93% Acquittal Rate of Violent Offenders Leaves Judge “Haunted” by the 7% She Let the System Ruin
Local judge promises reforms after only 93% of violent offenders walked free: “I owe the other 7% an apology and maybe a fruit basket.”
DA Launches ‘Text-a-Judge’ Program to Pre-Dismiss Cases Before Wasting Time on Investigations
The East Baton Rouge DA’s Office is piloting a new system that lets prosecutors text mugshots and case summaries directly to judges for instant dismissal decisions. Critics say it bypasses due process, but officials call it “a more efficient path to disappointment.”
Chase Through West Baton Rouge Marks First Time in Years a School Bus Has Run on Time
In a rare display of punctuality, a Louisiana man stole a school bus and led police on a multi-parish chase—marking the first time in recent memory that a bus actually showed up on schedule.
State Celebrates 50 Years of Monitoring Capitol Lake Toxicity by Adding a New Sign
After decades of toxic buildup and government foot-dragging, Louisiana finally acknowledged Capitol Lakes with something tangible: a new sign that warns residents the water is dangerous—just in a more “official” font.
REAL ID Deadline Extended After Officials Discover Baton Rouge OMV Still Processing 2019 Walk-Ins
In an effort to help Louisianans still stuck in the OMV system, the REAL ID deadline has been extended—especially for those who walked in during 2019 and never left.
Louisiana Voters Encouraged To Support Tax Renewals So Parish Can Upgrade To Newer Excuses
Officials claim tax renewals are needed to “modernize messaging,” allowing parishes to replace outdated excuses with cutting-edge budgetary jargon. Voters, however, appear unconvinced that they should fund better ways to be told “we can’t fix that.”
Governor Landry Thanks Giacometto for Turning DEQ into a Case Study on Employee Turnover
In a uniquely optimistic spin, Governor Landry praised Giacometto’s legacy of mass resignations at DEQ, calling it “streamlined workforce development” and noting she left behind “a more breathable office and several thousand unread emails.”
New Reality Series ‘So You Think You Can Judge?’ Pilots in Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge’s 19th Judicial District Court is now the surprise setting of So You Think You Can Judge?, a new reality show where judges compete to keep their robes while dodging ethical complaints. So far: one fake law, one fake Army rank, and a very real insurance scam.
May Day Protest At State Capitol Hijacked by Group Demanding Bigger Chicken Strips at Cane’s
The protest started with chants against authoritarianism and ended with handmade signs demanding full-sized chicken fingers. While some came to challenge Trump-era policies, most left questioning how Cane’s manages to charge $11 for what one marcher called “two and a half glorified chicken crayons.”
LSU Student Designs AI to Prevent Wrecks—It Just Keeps Recommending ‘Move Out of Baton Rouge’
While some hoped LSU’s AI would revolutionize traffic safety, it instead took one look at Florida Boulevard and immediately scheduled its own out-of-state transfer. LADOTD remains optimistic, calling the results “unexpectedly accurate.”
NOLA Council Approves Road Repair Plan After Accidentally Clicking ‘Accept All’ on Budget Proposal
The New Orleans City Council accidentally approved a $2 billion, multi-decade road plan after clicking “Accept All” on a shared budget doc. The plan includes street repairs, new task forces, and a consultant called The Asphalt Whisperer. Officials say it’s “probably fine.”
Bear Spotted Recently in Livingston Parish Checks Into Rehab After Week-Long Meth Bender
The black bear spotted in Livingston Parish has officially checked into rehab after a week-long meth binge. Rehab staff say the bear, now toothless with one gold incisor, insists on being called “Cooter” and believes he’s engaged to Waffle House waitress named Crystal.
Orange Soda Spill in Baton Rouge Triggers Kel-Level Panic Among Drivers
A truck spilled crates of orange soda across a busy Baton Rouge intersection, causing traffic chaos, a swarm of bees, and at least one man to scream, “Kel would’ve died here!” Cleanup was delayed due to excessive 90s nostalgia reenactments.
West Baton Rouge Pursuit Ends Peacefully as Suspect Chooses Jail Over I-10 Bridge at 4PM
A high-speed chase ended when the suspect saw he was approaching the I-10 bridge at 5 p.m. and voluntarily surrendered. Deputies say the man weighed jail time against Baton Rouge traffic and made what they’re calling “the sane choice.”
EBR School Superintendent Announces Realignment Plan: ‘Fewer Schools, Same Problems’
The East Baton Rouge School Board has officially voted to consolidate campuses in a move they claim will solve financial issues — while leaving academic and disciplinary problems delightfully untouched. Officials promise “fewer schools, same headaches” by the start of the next school year.
LA Governor’s Mansion to Be Rebuilt in Mississippi After Insurance Renewal Hits All-Time High
Louisiana officials confirmed plans to relocate the Governor’s Mansion to Woodville, Mississippi, citing skyrocketing insurance costs and a flood risk so high it required evacuation drills. A spokesperson said the move was necessary to avoid “financial ruin,” adding that Woodville offers better drainage — and easier access to Illusions, the town’s lone gentleman’s club.
Barge Captain Dodges Stray Bullet, Heroically Fails to Dodge Baton Rouge
Two barges grounded near LSU after eyewitnesses say the captain swerved to dodge a stray bullet. Officials confirm the bullet missed — unlike Baton Rouge’s reputation for “challenging” river navigation.