LIVINGSTON, LA – In what experts are calling “inspired levels of denial,” the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office has reportedly handled a deputy’s recent boating DWI arrest by assigning it to the department’s Sea Division — a fully fictional unit that doesn’t exist, but sounds nice.
Major Cedrick Paul Brignac was arrested for operating a boat under the influence, a crime that would typically earn a stern press release, mugshot, and a spot on the department’s Facebook Wall of Shame. But in this case, the incident was quietly absorbed into the Sea Division’s invisible caseload — joining other aquatic crimes like “unauthorized consumption of Bud Light while in Livingston Parish” and “failure to have at least one boater wearing cut off jeans aboard your vessel.”
When asked why the arrest wasn’t disclosed publicly, a department spokesperson replied, “We have a long-standing tradition of only posting arrests that don’t make us look bad.”
The Sea Division, not to be confused with The Seaman Division, which handled the Dennis Perkins fiasco a couple years back, has no staff, no budget, and no boats.
Asked why the arrest wasn’t included in their usual quirky social media updates, one official replied, “I believe they were a little tied up posting about impounding another squatted truck in Walker that day or making fun of some other sap who also got pinched.”
