St. George Candidates Scrap Election, Opt for Cage Matches Instead
With scandals, hookers, salary demands, and government structure disputes causing chaos in St. George, candidates have found a simple solution: ditch democracy and throw hands. The first municipal leadership determined by knockout might actually be the most efficient.
Jimmy Hoffa Located After Being Stuck in Baton Rouge Traffic for 50 Years
Officials confirm Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance wasn’t mob-related—he’s just been waiting for Baton Rouge traffic to clear since 1975. Found trapped between an SUV with a Tiger tail and a Nissan Altima blasting “Neck,” his story is a true Louisiana tragedy.
Livingston Parish Burglars Blame Economy After Breaking Into Cars and Finding Nothing but Trash
Local burglars say the struggling economy is making their jobs harder, as Livingston Parish cars now hold nothing but disappointment, unpaid parking tickets, and melted ChapStick. “At least leave a working charger,” one thief begged.
Jeff Landry Wants Remote Workers Back in the Office—Because Nothing Boosts Productivity Like Baton Rouge Gridlock
Gov. Jeff Landry has declared war on remote work, forcing thousands of state employees back into Louisiana’s soul-crushing traffic. Because nothing says “efficiency” like a two-hour commute on cratered highways.
Officials Baffled as ‘No Raises for Teachers’ Signs Work While ‘No Weapons’ Signs Fail
Baton Rouge schools have cracked the code: If only “Gun-Free Zone” signs worked as well as “No Raises for Teachers” signs, crime would be nonexistent. Officials consider bigger fonts as a solution.
Insurance Commissioner Suggests LA Homeowners Should ‘Stop Being Poor’ If They Want Affordable Coverage
Louisiana’s Insurance Commissioner has a solution for skyrocketing rates: Stop being poor. Officials suggest homeowners “get creative” by inheriting wealth, starting side hustles, or simply accepting financial ruin with grace.
St. George Mayoral Candidate Reveals his ‘Leadership, Legislation and Lap Dances’ Plan
ST. GEORGE, La. – St. George mayoral candidate Jim Morgan, whose past legal troubles include a guilty plea for solicitation, is now ready to bring his firsthand experience to city leadership. At a forum last night, inside the unfinished VIP lounge of his proposed St. George gentlemen’s club, Morgan unveiled his bold economic recovery plan, […]
Escaped Inmate Calls 911 After Ending Up on Siegen Lane, Begs to Return to Prison
A work-release inmate’s escape ended in sheer terror when he found himself on Siegen Lane, surrounded by vagrants, impromptu street vendors, and unlicensed security guards. In fear, he called 911—begging to go back to prison.
Southern University Abandons Menstruating Men Project, Launches Critical Study on How Water Actually Makes You Thirstier
After Trump axed Southern University’s $600K transgender menstrual study, the school swiftly pivoted to groundbreaking research proving water causes dehydration—finally exposing Big Water’s sinister agenda once and for all.
Baton Rouge’s New Traffic Congestion Museum Lets Residents Relive Daily Gridlock
Experience the joy of Baton Rouge traffic without ever turning on your car! The city’s new Traffic Congestion Museum lets visitors relive gridlock, road rage, and endless detours—all from a stationary seat.
LSU Launches Degree in Political Corruption Studies to Prepare Future Leaders
LSU’s new Political Corruption Studies program embraces Louisiana’s rich legacy of backroom deals, offering courses like the Edwin Edwards Election Manipulation Masterclass and the William Jefferson ‘Cold Cash’ Seminar.
CATS Strike Ends, Officials Still Recommend Leaving for Work a Day Early
After striking for better wages and conditions, CATS drivers have returned—but with fewer buses running than ever, some passengers wonder if the strike ever really ended. Meanwhile, customer service remains unavailable, as the hotline operators are still waiting for a bus to get to work.
Baton Rouge Introduces Brave Cave Escape Room Experience for Tourists
Baton Rouge’s Brave Cave Escape Room lets visitors experience the thrill of escaping a secretive police facility—without legal representation. The highlight? Guests get to turn off their escort’s body cam first.
Baton Rouge Man Opens Used Car Lot, Names It ‘Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service’
Customers raved about the unbeatable prices at “Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service,” only to later realize they had unknowingly entered into a crime scene rather than a dealership.
BRPD Accepts Library Bailout, Agrees to Transform Police Units Into Bookmobiles
A $25M bailout from the East Baton Rouge Library now requires BRPD to keep every patrol unit stocked with books. Judges are thrilled, as fewer arrests mean fewer criminals to process and immediately release without bond.
Baton Rouge Issues First ‘Dead or Alive’ Bounty in a Century: Local Saloons on High Alert
The U.S. Marshals’ “Wanted: Dead or Alive” alert has Baton Rouge looking like the Wild West, with locals wondering if bounty hunters will start riding into town.
City Leaders Allegedly Turning Baton Rouge Into a Parody to Undermine The Sadvocate
We figured another satire site would eventually be our biggest competition,’ The Sadvocate admitted. ‘We never expected the Baton Rouge city government to be the one putting us out of business.’
After Latest Controversy Baton Rouge Councilman Officially Changes Name to Cleve Dunnitagain
Baton Rouge Councilman Cleve Dunn Jr., now officially Cleve Dunnitagain, adds another controversy to his list after a student collapsed at a warehouse he co-leases, raising new questions about safety and oversight.
LSU ‘Lake Bed Walking Tours’ Offer Baton Rouge Residents a Firsthand Look at Where Their Tax Dollars Went
The New ‘Lake Bed Walking Tours’ Offer Baton Rouge Residents a Firsthand Look at Where Their Tax Dollars Went, allowing guests to explore scenic dirt paths, thriving weed fields, and the remnants of government efficiency.
Baton Rouge Schools Announce They Will Reopen Tuesday Solely to Shut Down for Bad Weather
In a commitment to tradition, Baton Rouge schools will briefly reopen just to officially shut down for mild rain and wind. Officials insist the closure is necessary, reminding everyone that in Louisiana, it’s better to be overly cautious than slightly inconvenienced.
Baton Rouge Officials Declare Victory as Only Half of Parade-Goers Had Their Cars Broken Into This Year
Baton Rouge officials are celebrating progress after this year’s Mardi Gras parade saw “only” half of attendees’ cars broken into. Police credit the improvement to a new strategy: hoping for the best.
Dozens of CATS Bus Drivers Unable to Attend Their Own Strike Due to Lack of Buses
The CATS bus strike faced an unexpected challenge today—most of the striking drivers couldn’t make it to the picket line because they rely on the bus to get there.
CATS Drivers to Strike: Ridership Numbers to Remain Unchanged at Nearly Zero
Baton Rouge’s bus drivers are set to strike tomorrow, but officials predict no major disruptions—mostly because ridership was already nonexistent. The biggest change? The city’s empty buses just won’t be moving.
Baton Rouge Mayor Stunned by Spanish Town Parade: ‘Some Shirts Should Stay On—For Public Safety
Baton Rouge’s new mayor attended his first Spanish Town Parade expecting festive fun but instead witnessed a shocking display of topless revelers who “should’ve thought twice.” Now, he’s pushing for fitness requirements before participants remove their shirts in future parades.
Governor Landry Accidentally Catches Beads at Spanish Town Parade, Declares It ‘An Attempted Bribery’
Governor Jeff Landry caught beads at the Spanish Town Parade—then declared it a bribery attempt by The Sadvocate. He’s now pushing to ban “unapproved bead distribution” at public events.
Baton Rouge News Stations Apologize for Skipping Spanish Town Royalty Interview: “We’ll Be Closed That Day”
For the first time in 30 years, two Baton Rouge news stations declined to interview the Spanish Town Mardi Gras Parade’s Grand Marshal, King, and Queen, citing a scheduling conflict. Their explanation? “We’ll be closed that day.” Many remain puzzled by the decision.
Louisiana State Police Captain Demonstrates Bold New “Crash-and-Retire” Legal Strategy
A Louisiana State Police captain arrested for DWI avoided jail, skipped a mugshot, and retired hours later. Experts call it the “Crash-and-Retire” defense—where consequences vanish with a pension. Locals now wonder if this loophole applies to non-police citizens too.
Baton Rouge Police Turn to Bake Sales While Library Unveils $20 Million Rooftop Lounge
Struggling for funds, Baton Rouge police officers now rely on bake sales for basic gear while the library splurges on a $20 million rooftop lounge. As Oprah hosts a lavish literary soirée, officers hope their “Cookies for Kevlar” fundraiser keeps them afloat.
911 Calls Surge After Rare Construction Worker Sighting at Sullivan Road Project
Confused residents flooded 911 with reports of a suspicious person at the Sullivan Road project—turns out, it was a real construction worker. Mayor Wade Evans urged calm, while the police chief promised to monitor for any further “unexpected progress.”
Governor Jeff Landry Issues Executive Order Banning James Carville from Wearing LSU Gear on TV
Governor Jeff Landry has issued an executive order banning James Carville from wearing LSU gear on TV until he “stops acting insane.” Officials say Carville must prove he can do one interview without a meltdown before the ban is lifted.