Audit Finds Thrive Academy’s Hiring Process Consisted of Asking ‘You Good?’ and Moving On
Baton Rouge’s Thrive Academy believes in a ‘gut feeling’ approach to hiring, skipping traditional steps like resumes, references, and background checks. According to an audit, one teacher openly admitted, “I ain’t too good with numbers,” but still landed the math job.
City Declares State of Emergency After Discovering 85% of Baton Rouge’s Beer Consumed in One Morning
Baton Rouge officials declared a state of emergency after the Wearin’ of the Green Parade, delayed to Sunday, led to an unexpected crisis—85% of the city’s beer supply was consumed before noon, leaving desperate parade-goers bartering for booze with beads and turtles.
St. George Candidates Scrap Election, Opt for Cage Matches Instead
With scandals, hookers, salary demands, and government structure disputes causing chaos in St. George, candidates have found a simple solution: ditch democracy and throw hands. The first municipal leadership determined by knockout might actually be the most efficient.
Jimmy Hoffa Located After Being Stuck in Baton Rouge Traffic for 50 Years
Officials confirm Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance wasn’t mob-related—he’s just been waiting for Baton Rouge traffic to clear since 1975. Found trapped between an SUV with a Tiger tail and a Nissan Altima blasting “Neck,” his story is a true Louisiana tragedy.
Livingston Parish Burglars Blame Economy After Breaking Into Cars and Finding Nothing but Trash
Local burglars say the struggling economy is making their jobs harder, as Livingston Parish cars now hold nothing but disappointment, unpaid parking tickets, and melted ChapStick. “At least leave a working charger,” one thief begged.
Jeff Landry Wants Remote Workers Back in the Office—Because Nothing Boosts Productivity Like Baton Rouge Gridlock
Gov. Jeff Landry has declared war on remote work, forcing thousands of state employees back into Louisiana’s soul-crushing traffic. Because nothing says “efficiency” like a two-hour commute on cratered highways.
Officials Baffled as ‘No Raises for Teachers’ Signs Work While ‘No Weapons’ Signs Fail
Baton Rouge schools have cracked the code: If only “Gun-Free Zone” signs worked as well as “No Raises for Teachers” signs, crime would be nonexistent. Officials consider bigger fonts as a solution.
Insurance Commissioner Suggests LA Homeowners Should ‘Stop Being Poor’ If They Want Affordable Coverage
Louisiana’s Insurance Commissioner has a solution for skyrocketing rates: Stop being poor. Officials suggest homeowners “get creative” by inheriting wealth, starting side hustles, or simply accepting financial ruin with grace.
St. George Mayoral Candidate Reveals his ‘Leadership, Legislation and Lap Dances’ Plan
ST. GEORGE, La. – St. George mayoral candidate Jim Morgan, whose past legal troubles include a guilty plea for solicitation, is now ready to bring his firsthand experience to city leadership. At a forum last night, inside the unfinished VIP lounge of his proposed St. George gentlemen’s club, Morgan unveiled his bold economic recovery plan, […]
Escaped Inmate Calls 911 After Ending Up on Siegen Lane, Begs to Return to Prison
A work-release inmate’s escape ended in sheer terror when he found himself on Siegen Lane, surrounded by vagrants, impromptu street vendors, and unlicensed security guards. In fear, he called 911—begging to go back to prison.
Southern University Abandons Menstruating Men Project, Launches Critical Study on How Water Actually Makes You Thirstier
After Trump axed Southern University’s $600K transgender menstrual study, the school swiftly pivoted to groundbreaking research proving water causes dehydration—finally exposing Big Water’s sinister agenda once and for all.
Baton Rouge’s New Traffic Congestion Museum Lets Residents Relive Daily Gridlock
Experience the joy of Baton Rouge traffic without ever turning on your car! The city’s new Traffic Congestion Museum lets visitors relive gridlock, road rage, and endless detours—all from a stationary seat.