EBR Launches “Suffering Builds Character” Campaign to Discourage St. George School Breakaway
With St. George looking to leave, EBR leaders are doubling down, saying the real education was the disappointment students experienced along the way.
Source: Mitch Landrieu Being Considered To Chair 2028 Presidential Pre-Loss Planning Committee
Democrats may have found their most reliable closer, Mitch Landrieu, now reportedly being considered to lead pre-loss planning before campaigns even get started. Efficiency has never looked so predictable.
Zachary Neighbor Who Shut Down Go-Kart Track Now Drafting New Complaint Against Passing Cars
After shutting down a go-kart track, a Zachary neighbor is already working on her next complaint, this time targeting passing cars on a nearby highway.
Central Mayor Seen Removing Shirt at New City Hall to Reclaim Spotlight From Baseball Coach
A high school coach may have started the shirtless trend, but Central’s mayor made sure he finished it, and took the entire news cycle with him.
Longtime Pothole Earns Landmark Status After Outlasting Several Mayors And Repair Budgets
A pothole on Airline Highway has officially achieved what most projects never do, completion through neglect and recognition through survival.
Delta Customers Establish Official “Bill Opening Support Group,” Urge Friends to Attend
Baton Rouge residents are no longer opening Delta bills alone, they’re hosting full “Bill Opening Nights” with friends just to confirm the numbers are actually real.
LSU Baseball Adds Mercy Rule for Its Own Fans
Tigers fans no longer have to suffer through the full nine innings. LSU just introduced a mercy rule designed specifically for the people in the stands.
QVC Declares Bankruptcy After Last Remaining Viewer Accidentally Changes Channel
QVC’s entire business model reportedly collapsed after its last loyal viewer accidentally changed the channel, triggering what executives described as an immediate and total loss of audience.
New Insurance Reform Bill Requires Rate Increases To Be Explained Using Smaller Words
The state tackled high insurance rates by making companies explain them in simpler terms. Good news, you’ll finally understand why you’re paying more every month.
Startup Launches “BridgeBet” App Letting Users Gamble On How Long Crossing New Bridge Will Take
Baton Rouge drivers can now gamble on how long crossing the new bridge will take, because waiting in traffic apparently wasn’t stressful enough on its own.
Wall Street Surges After Realizing Nothing Has Gone Wrong in the Past 3 Hours
Wall Street just had its best day in weeks after three straight hours of absolutely nothing going wrong, a milestone investors now consider wildly bullish in today’s market.
CDC Confirms New “Cicada COVID Variant” That Only Emerges Every 17 Years to Ruin Summer
CDC says a new “cicada variant” is here, emerging every 17 years to ruin summer and your sanity. Symptoms include confusion, fatigue, and wondering if the screaming is inside your head.
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.
Washington DC Experts Warn AI Could Replace Jobs, Immediately Use AI to Draft Warning
Experts are sounding the alarm about AI replacing jobs, then immediately used AI to write the warning faster than any of them could. Turns out the timeline may be shorter than expected.
Baton Rouge Furniture Store Celebrates 1,000th Consecutive Day Of Going Out Of Business
Locals are beginning to suspect “going out of business” might not actually mean what it says, especially after 1,000 consecutive days of the same sale.
John Fleming Continues Dangerous Strategy of Letting Voters Decide, In Direct Conflict With Landry’s Plan
State officials warned Fleming’s campaign introduced “unauthorized voter input,” disrupting what they described as a carefully managed Senate race built around a preferred outcome.
Local Rants & Raves Facebook Group Solves Absolutely Nothing for 47th Consecutive Day
One of Baton Rouge’s most active Facebook groups just hit an impressive streak, 47 straight days of solving absolutely nothing, while somehow generating hundreds of comments and even more confusion.
Mandie Landry Takes Aim at AI in Campaigns, Says Only Human Lies Should Be Allowed
Louisiana may soon regulate campaign honesty, but only the artificial kind. A new bill targets AI in ads, leaving the state’s long tradition of human-crafted deception fully protected.
Jeff Landry Suggests Resolving Iran Conflict By Air Dropping Caniac Combos Over The Region “Until Everyone Calms Down”
Global tensions may be rising, but Jeff Landry believes the solution is simple: air drop enough Cane’s into the region until everyone settles down and starts thinking clearly.
Man Completes Errand On Siegen Lane In Under 2 Hours, Declared Local Legend
A Baton Rouge man completed a full errand on Siegen Lane in under two hours, prompting officials to investigate what they’re calling a “temporary and highly suspicious lapse in traffic conditions.”
St. George Man Celebrates One Year Anniversary of Attempting Left Turn at Pecue and Highland
A St. George man marked one full year attempting a single left turn at Pecue and Highland, as family celebrated roadside and officials confirmed solutions remain under extended, ongoing study.
Baton Rouge Residents Begin Measuring Distance in “How Many Red Lights” Instead of Miles
Residents say the new system finally reflects reality, where a “quick trip” can mean sitting through four lights and watching the same car next to you age in real time.
CATS Says Emailing Bank Statement Monthly Impossible Due to Ongoing Shortage Of Non-Arrested Employees
CATS officials say a simple monthly task, downloading a bank statement, attaching it to an email, and clicking send, isn’t feasible given current staffing challenges.
Driver Successfully Completes LSU Lakes Loop Without Getting Stuck Behind Jogger, Calls It ‘Best Day of My Life’
A Baton Rouge driver just completed the LSU Lakes loop without getting stuck behind a jogger, and honestly, we’re not sure the city is ready for this kind of progress.
Farmers Market Opens Along Shoulder for Drivers Waiting at Pecue and Airline Hwy Traffic Light
If you’re stuck at Pecue and Airline, don’t worry, there’s now a farmers market, fresh crawfish, and DoorDash delivery for drivers still waiting on their 54th light cycle to get through the intersection.
WAFB Finalizes Purchase of The Sadvocate, Names Steve Caparotta as First-Ever Chief of Satirical News Division
WAFB announced its acquisition of The Sadvocate, naming chief meteorologist Steve Caparotta as head of a new Satirical News Division in a move expanding its digital footprint.
Louisiana Officials Assure Residents Land Seizures Will Only Occur Where Land Exists Following HB7 Defeat
Members of the state legislature reassured residents that land seizures tied to carbon capture projects will occur only where land exists, and not anywhere else, following the defeat of a bill aimed at protecting property owners.
Will Wade Targets NBA YoungBoy for LSU Basketball, Citing Toosii’s Impact on Football Program
LSU may have just unlocked a completely new recruiting strategy, and Will Wade is already taking it to the next level.
Louisiana Named Most Stressful State, Officials Say Results Skewed by I-10 Traffic Alone
Louisiana just got ranked the most stressful state, but officials say the results are skewed by one very specific Baton Rouge experience that locals already consider a daily survival exercise.
Two Years After Collapse, Baltimore Begins Rebuilding Bridge As Baton Rouge Enters Year 26 Of Study Phase
Baltimore went from total bridge collapse to active construction in two years. Baton Rouge officials say they’re making similar progress, now entering another phase of reviewing previous discussions.