SpaceX Cancels Louisiana Facility After Discovering Rocket Needs Separate Wind And Flood Policies
SpaceX reconsidered its proposed Louisiana launch facility after learning every rocket would require separate wind and flood policies.
Louisiana Officials Celebrate Third Straight Day Of Historically Low Illegal Balloon Releases
Officials said balloon-related incidents have fallen to their lowest level in state history, though they acknowledged the official reporting period currently covers approximately 72 hours.
LSU Assigns Cajun Host Family To Incoming Pitcher Logan Schmidt To Ease Transition From California
BATON ROUGE, LA – Shortly after highly regarded California pitcher Logan Schmidt committed to LSU over professional baseball and junior college, the university announced it had assigned him a Cajun host family to help with what officials described as his “far more challenging transition to Louisiana.” According to the program, Schmidt’s first week will include […]
Louisiana Legislature Celebrates New Laws Taking Effect By Immediately Drafting Bills To Correct Them
Louisiana lawmakers reportedly wasted no time fixing the laws that just took effect by immediately drafting new laws to fix the old new laws.
Mitch Landrieu Hires Anonymous Company To Remove Social Media Replies He Says Do Not Reflect His Values
An anonymous overnight crew reportedly spent hours removing negative replies from beneath Mitch Landrieu’s social media posts, insisting the comments were merely being relocated.
Poll Finds 93% Of LSU Fans Already Know Which Games The Refs Will Cost Them
College football season hasn’t started yet, but LSU fans have already circled every game the refs are allegedly going to steal.
Truck Fire Closes I-10, Leaves Average Baton Rouge Commute Virtually Unchanged
Truck fire closes I-10, leaves average Baton Rouge commute virtually unchanged after drivers admit they couldn’t even tell the interstate had been shut down.
State Assures Residents Nuclear Waste Will Blend Right In With Chemical Waste And Captured Carbon
Economic development leaders touted the initiative as another opportunity, while residents wondered if the state had accidentally checked the “accept all” box on federal applications.
SEC Announces LSU-Ole Miss Game Will Now Be Officiated By Three Referees And Two Federal Judges
After Ole Miss sued two former players who transferred to LSU following Lane Kiffin’s move to Baton Rouge, conference officials reportedly decided a normal officiating crew simply wouldn’t be enough.
Flock Camera Sues Company For Mental Anguish After Assignment To I-10 in Baton Rouge
The camera is reportedly seeking counseling, damages, and a permanent transfer to literally any highway where vehicles occasionally exceed 10 miles per hour.
Louisiana Election Officials Admit It’s Cheaper To Just Leave Cleo Fields’ Name On Every Ballot
Louisiana election officials say they’ve finally found a way to save taxpayer money: just leave Cleo Fields’ name on every ballot permanently.
Baton Rouge Introduces Heritage Trail Connecting Every Building That Used To Be A Delchamps, Shoney’s, Or Godfather’s Pizza
Google Maps may know where you’re going, but only a lifelong Baton Rouge resident knows where everything used to be.
The National Weather Service Confirms Baton Rouge Will Skip Fall Again This Year
Baton Rouge residents are once again preparing for the city’s annual tradition of skipping fall entirely and heading straight from summer into a random December cold snap.
Poll Finds 78% Of Americans Would Vote For Candidate Who Promises To Stop Campaigning
A new poll finds 78% of Americans would happily vote for the first presidential candidate willing to stop campaigning altogether.
Economists Say Baton Rouge Kids Grossly Overestimated The Purchasing Power Of Their ShowBiz Pizza Tickets
Former customers insist they still compare expensive purchases to ShowBiz ticket values, while many remain convinced one more game of Skee-Ball would’ve changed everything.
Navigation Apps Begin Updating Baton Rouge Arrival Times In Business Days Ahead Of School Starting
Parents have just a few more days to enjoy normal commute times before Baton Rouge’s annual back-to-school traffic returns. Navigation apps say they’re preparing accordingly.
Secretary of State Clears 8-Minute Spot on Her Wednesday Calendar to Verify Baton Rouge Mayor Recall Signatures
The Secretary of State reportedly carved out an eight-minute opening on Wednesday to verify the Baton Rouge mayor recall signatures, citing the campaign’s famously slow start after collecting just 10 signatures in its first month.
TigerDroppings Poster Declares Football Season Over, Back On, Then Over Again Before Lunch
TigerDroppings reportedly declared LSU’s season over, back on, then over again before most Baton Rouge residents finished their first cup of coffee.
Oak Point Fresh Market Introduces Smaller Chantilly Cake For Customers Who Want To Feel Better About Eating The Whole Thing
WATSON, LA – In what company officials are calling “a victory for portion control and self-deception,” Oak Point Fresh Market announced Tuesday the release of a new smaller Chantilly cake designed specifically for customers who want to convince themselves eating an entire cake is somehow healthier. “We listened to our customers,” said a store representative. […]
Landry Administration Opens Preliminary Discussions On Returning New Orleans To France
State attorneys are reportedly searching the Louisiana Purchase documents for a return policy after France politely declined Louisiana’s preliminary inquiry about reacquiring New Orleans.
Seven “Central Rants & Raves” Facebook Groups Report Immediate 94% Drop In Content After Wade Evans Exits Race
Seven Central Rants & Raves Facebook groups reportedly saw engagement collapse within hours after Wade Evans announced he would not seek reelection, leaving moderators scrambling to find anything else for residents to argue about.
Angel Reese Barbie Becomes First Doll To Refuse To Leave Box Without Four-Year Contract
Mattel’s new Angel Reese Barbie has reportedly become the first doll in history to refuse to leave its box until a fully guaranteed four-year contract is signed, citing today’s “competitive toy market.”
EBR District Attorney Renames Office to ‘St. George Legal Challenge Fund’ To Improve Chances Of Getting Paid
After months of asking for more funding, the District Attorney reportedly discovered the easiest solution was simply renaming his office after something the City-Parish already loves spending money on.
Baton Rouge Unveils Historic Grass Preservation Initiative After Running Out Of Mowing Money
Baton Rouge has officially solved its grass-cutting budget problem by simply declaring the grass historically significant.
AI Data Centers Confirm Entergy Customers Won’t Pay More, Just Receive Bills With Larger Numbers
Louisiana’s newest AI data centers are already proving their value by explaining that bigger Entergy bills aren’t actually higher, just a larger quantity of dollars.
EBR Parish Attorney Assures Residents They’re Only Three More Courtroom Defeats Away From Accepting St. George
East Baton Rouge officials assured residents this week that they’re now just three more court room losses away from finally accepting that St. George exists, insisting the latest legal challenge is simply part of a healthy healing process.
Residents Relieved They No Longer Have To Explain Why Baton Rouge’s Hockey Team Name Had Nothing To Do With Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge residents say the best part of the Kingfish returning isn’t hockey—it’s never having to explain the Zydeco name again.
New Orleans Quietly Lists Slightly Used Attorney General Indictment On Facebook Marketplace
NEW ORLEANS, LA – Just hours after asking that criminal charges against Attorney General Liz Murrill be dropped, New Orleans officials reportedly listed the city’s slightly used indictment on Facebook Marketplace in hopes that another municipality might have a need for it. The listing describes the indictment as being in “excellent condition,” noting it was […]
Tennessee Emergency Management Urges Football Fans Not To Panic Buy Mustard And Golf Balls Ahead Of LSU Game
Officials assured residents there is plenty of mustard and plenty of golf balls for everyone, provided fans remember what they were originally designed to do.
Louisiana Auto Insurance Companies Now Offering 72-Month Financing On 6-Month Policies
Louisiana auto insurance companies are now offering 72-month financing on standard 6-month policies, allowing drivers to make payments long after the coverage expires.