‘I’ll Sign Any Insurance Bill,’ Says Governor Who Immediately Doesn’t
Louisiana’s governor promised to sign “any” insurance bill—then vetoed the first one that reached him. Homeowners are left with high premiums and higher blood pressure.
Fugitive Antoine Massey Enters Orleans Sheriff Race, Promises to Catch Himself Within First 100 Days in Office
Still at large but polling higher than the current sheriff, Antoine Massey has officially entered the Orleans Parish sheriff’s race. His platform? Fixing the same system he broke out of—and pledging to catch himself “within the first 100 days in office.”
EBR Declares All City Buildings Condom-Free in Wake of Latest Chauna Banks Scandal
After Councilman Anthony Kenney accused former councilwoman Chauna Banks of planting a condom in his office, EBR responded by banning condoms from all city buildings. Banks denies the act, claiming she doesn’t even prefer using them.
State Says it Was Joking When It Told St. George Organizers to Form a City Then Apply for School District
Lawmakers now admit their guidance to St. George to “become a city first” was more of a polite brush-off than an actual policy.
BREC Launches Virtual Waterpark Experience to Offset Lifeguard Deficit at Liberty Lagoon
Amid a lifeguard shortage, BREC is rolling out their new “Virtual Swim Experience” at Liberty Lagoon this summer.
Criminals Across Louisiana Shocked to Learn They Were Supposed to Leave Guns at Home During Parades
Lawmakers in Louisiana are trying to legalize guns at parades—much to the confusion of criminals, who just found out they were already banned. “Wait, there were rules?” asked one stunned offender, reaching for another set of beads and possibly a Glock.
Legislature: No Handheld Phones While Driving—But You May Continue Eating and Applying Eyeliner
Lawmakers have outlawed holding a phone while driving, but activities like juggling a burger, yelling at kids, and selecting the perfect playlist remain perfectly legal. Critics say the law tackles one distraction while turning a blind eye to the daily chaos that is Louisiana commuting.
Mayor Claims Canada Trip Was Response to Tip About Orleans Jail Escapee Spotted Near Convention Center
Mayor Cantrell says her trip to Canada wasn’t a vacation—it was a “rapid-response mission” after receiving an anonymous tip about a fugitive near a Toronto convention center. She declined to alert authorities, claiming, “I had my city-issued binoculars. I was ready.”
Trump Pardons NBA YoungBoy, Asks Him to Drop Diss Track on Letitia James
Former President Donald Trump stunned the political world again—this time by pardoning rapper NBA YoungBoy and immediately asking him to “spit some heat” aimed at New York Attorney General Letitia James, one of Trump’s most persistent legal adversaries.
Prop Stop Owner Sends Cease & Desist Letter to Everyone Fishing on Tickfaw With Worms
Prop Stop owner Kathy isn’t just guarding her signature cocktail—she’s declared legal war on worms themselves. After trademarking “Worm Bucket,” she’s now targeting fishermen along the Tickfaw for daring to use actual worms in water. You can’t make this up… but she just did.
NOLA Mobilizes Cranes After Discovering Garbage Truck May Have Hauled Trash at Appomattox
After weeks of doing nothing, New Orleans officials rushed to action when a local relic hunter convinced them an overturned garbage truck may have historical value. Supposedly linked to the Civil War, the vehicle was finally removed—because nothing motivates the city like mythologized trash.
Escapee’s Mom Arrested After Sending “Y’all Be Safe” Text to Entire Escapee Group Chat
Orleans Parish officials have arrested a mother for sending a supportive “Y’all be safe” text to a group chat tied to a jail escape. Authorities say it amounts to aiding and abetting—because in Louisiana, even moral support can land you a seat in the back of a squad car.
New Roads PD Clarifies ‘Guns for Cash’ Program Wasn’t Meant for Department-Issued Weapons
A fired officer claims he thought the city’s “Guns for Cash” program applied to everyone—especially those with easy access to the inventory. City Hall has since clarified: it does not.
New Orleans Judge Named Honorary VP of Sales at Ankle Monitor Company
In a seamless blend of justice and salesmanship, a New Orleans judge has been named honorary VP at the ankle monitor company he keeps “accidentally” recommending to defendants. Conflict of interest? Only if you’re poor.
Inmates Break Back Into Orleans Parish Jail, Say Streets of New Orleans “Way Too Dangerous”
After escaping from the parish lock up, a group of inmates stunned officials by breaking back into Jail—claiming the streets of New Orleans were “way too dangerous.”
New Orleans DA Suggests Letting Escapees Finish Sentences via Zoom to Free Up Police Resources
Orleans DA Jason Williams is now offering escaped inmates the option to finish their sentences via Zoom—eliminating the need for costly manhunts while maintaining “virtual accountability.” Weekly check-ins and slideshow consequences included. Attendance optional, rehabilitation assumed.
Livingston Sheriff’s Office Covered Up Boating DWI to Hide Deputy’s Choice of Natural Light Beer
A high-ranking Livingston Parish deputy’s boating DWI was quietly buried—not to hide the crime, but to conceal the real disgrace: a vessel overflowing with Natural Light cans. Officials feared the public couldn’t handle the department’s taste in beer.
State Rep Kyle Green Jr. Wins ‘Worst Take Your Kids to Work Day’ Performance by a Landslide
State Rep. Kyle Green Jr. turned Take Your Kids to Work Day into a crash course—literally—landing himself in jail after a DWI arrest with his children in the car.
Livingston Parish Sheriff Transfers Deputy’s Boating DWI Arrest to Nonexistent Sea Division
When a Livingston Parish deputy was arrested for boating under the influence, the Sheriff’s Office quietly assigned the case to its “Sea Division.” The only problem? It doesn’t exist.
LSU Board Unanimously Selects Dr. Geoffry Landreau as New President
LSU’s newly appointed president, Dr. Geoffry Landreau, has announced a bold new vision: energy firm partnerships, a Buc-ee’s on campus, and a Trump statue—because nothing says higher education like brisket, branding, and oil diplomacy.
New Orleans District Attorney Accidentally Hires One of the Escaped Inmates as Assistant DA
In a development somehow both shocking and on-brand, the New Orleans DA’s office admitted it mistakenly hired one of the escaped inmates as a new Assistant District Attorney
Brusly Asks Why Addis Gets All the Fame: “We Had a Guy on Wheel of Fortune in ’03”
After one American Idol finalist put Addis on the map, neighboring Brusly is demanding recognition of its own — armed with bumper stickers, chili cook-off memories, and a guy who plays spoons when tipsy.
Parents Support Later School Start Times—Now Have 30 Extra Minutes to Argue Over Lunches
EBR schools are planning to start later next year—and not just because kids are tired, but because everyone’s tired of pretending they aren’t.
Orleans Sheriff Announces Escapees Can Now Serve Time Remotely via Zoom
Orleans Parish officials now say escaped inmates can serve time remotely—as long as they turn themselves in and keep their Zoom cameras on.
Orleans Parish Sheriff to Revise ‘Last One Out Lock Up’ Policy After Friday Jail Break
In a stunning policy rethink, Orleans Parish jail officials say they may revise their long-standing “last one out, lock up” approach after 11 inmates escaped. One was recaptured quickly; the rest remain at large, possibly hiding among residents with pillowcases and that telltale “I just tunneled out” confidence.
New Orleans Jail Considers Just Letting Everyone Out and Starting Over
Jail officials say they’re overwhelmed and “might just hit reset” after losing track of who’s supposed to be incarcerated.
TikTok Brits Ask for Best Louisiana Food, Confused When Locals Drop Them Off at Gas Station
BATON ROUGE, LA – British TikTokers Josh & Jase, currently on a quest to “taste the soul of the South,” were left utterly baffled Tuesday when they asked Baton Rouge locals for the best place to eat—and were casually dropped off at a gas station off Airline Highway. “We assumed they misunderstood the question,” said […]
19th JDC Replaces Metal Detectors With Scales, Announces Undercard Dockets on Mondays
After a courtroom brawl and back-to-back judge scandals, Baton Rouge’s 19th JDC courthouse is embracing chaos—by installing scales at the front door and announcing Monday undercards.
DA Partners with Ticketmaster to Sell Ringside Seating at Baton Rouge Courtroom Fights
The East Baton Rouge DA’s Office announced a new revenue stream this week: ticket sales to future courthouse fights. After a surprise melee broke out in a courtroom, officials saw an opportunity too lucrative to ignore.
Health Officials: Needles Handed Out on Siegen Lane Totally Unrelated to Used Needles Found All Over Siegen Lane
City officials are warning residents not to assume that the thousands of discarded syringes scattered across Siegen Lane have anything to do with the clinic on Siegen Lane that gives out thousands of syringes.