Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
After Supreme Court Tosses Map, Senior Official Confirms It Was Drawn by His 5-Year-Old Neice for “Fresh Perspective”
Louisiana’s rejected congressional map might make more sense now after officials confirmed it was originally drawn by a 5-year-old before being “cleaned up” for presentation.
EBR Teacher’s Union Says St. George Should Stay And Help Preserve The System That Made Everyone Want To Leave
As nearby top-ranked school districts exploded in growth, EBR officials insist the connection between good schools and families moving there remains purely coincidental.
Proposed Bill Requires DOTD to Repurpose Existing Potholes for I-12 Wall Drainage
Louisiana may have finally found a use for all those interstate potholes, flood control. A new proposal suggests moving them directly into the I-12 barrier wall.
District Court Tests Pilot Program Letting Violent Offenders Pre-Schedule Their Next Release
Baton Rouge courts are rolling out a new pilot program aimed at efficiency, and critics say it may be the most honest acknowledgment yet of how predictable the system has become.
Baton Rouge Activists Complete Impressive Career Shift From City Planning Experts to School District Authorities
Local experts who just wrapped up their decade-long run as city planners have already rebranded as education policy specialists. Officials say the turnaround time was “impressively aggressive.”
Landry Pushes Trump to Open Strait of Hormuz to Licensed Louisiana Fishermen After Taking Him Fishing There
After Trump reportedly caught multiple mackerel in the Strait of Hormuz, Landry now wants Louisiana fishermen to have access to the same waters.
EBR Launches “Suffering Builds Character” Campaign to Discourage St. George School Breakaway
With St. George looking to leave, EBR leaders are doubling down, saying the real education was the disappointment students experienced along the way.
Source: Mitch Landrieu Being Considered To Chair 2028 Presidential Pre-Loss Planning Committee
Democrats may have found their most reliable closer, Mitch Landrieu, now reportedly being considered to lead pre-loss planning before campaigns even get started. Efficiency has never looked so predictable.
Zachary Neighbor Who Shut Down Go-Kart Track Now Drafting New Complaint Against Passing Cars
After shutting down a go-kart track, a Zachary neighbor is already working on her next complaint, this time targeting passing cars on a nearby highway.
Central Mayor Seen Removing Shirt at New City Hall to Reclaim Spotlight From Baseball Coach
A high school coach may have started the shirtless trend, but Central’s mayor made sure he finished it, and took the entire news cycle with him.
Longtime Pothole Earns Landmark Status After Outlasting Several Mayors And Repair Budgets
A pothole on Airline Highway has officially achieved what most projects never do, completion through neglect and recognition through survival.
Delta Customers Establish Official “Bill Opening Support Group,” Urge Friends to Attend
Baton Rouge residents are no longer opening Delta bills alone, they’re hosting full “Bill Opening Nights” with friends just to confirm the numbers are actually real.
LSU Baseball Adds Mercy Rule for Its Own Fans
Tigers fans no longer have to suffer through the full nine innings. LSU just introduced a mercy rule designed specifically for the people in the stands.
QVC Declares Bankruptcy After Last Remaining Viewer Accidentally Changes Channel
QVC’s entire business model reportedly collapsed after its last loyal viewer accidentally changed the channel, triggering what executives described as an immediate and total loss of audience.
New Insurance Reform Bill Requires Rate Increases To Be Explained Using Smaller Words
The state tackled high insurance rates by making companies explain them in simpler terms. Good news, you’ll finally understand why you’re paying more every month.
Startup Launches “BridgeBet” App Letting Users Gamble On How Long Crossing New Bridge Will Take
Baton Rouge drivers can now gamble on how long crossing the new bridge will take, because waiting in traffic apparently wasn’t stressful enough on its own.
Wall Street Surges After Realizing Nothing Has Gone Wrong in the Past 3 Hours
Wall Street just had its best day in weeks after three straight hours of absolutely nothing going wrong, a milestone investors now consider wildly bullish in today’s market.
CDC Confirms New “Cicada COVID Variant” That Only Emerges Every 17 Years to Ruin Summer
CDC says a new “cicada variant” is here, emerging every 17 years to ruin summer and your sanity. Symptoms include confusion, fatigue, and wondering if the screaming is inside your head.
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.
Washington DC Experts Warn AI Could Replace Jobs, Immediately Use AI to Draft Warning
Experts are sounding the alarm about AI replacing jobs, then immediately used AI to write the warning faster than any of them could. Turns out the timeline may be shorter than expected.
Baton Rouge Furniture Store Celebrates 1,000th Consecutive Day Of Going Out Of Business
Locals are beginning to suspect “going out of business” might not actually mean what it says, especially after 1,000 consecutive days of the same sale.
John Fleming Continues Dangerous Strategy of Letting Voters Decide, In Direct Conflict With Landry’s Plan
State officials warned Fleming’s campaign introduced “unauthorized voter input,” disrupting what they described as a carefully managed Senate race built around a preferred outcome.
Local Rants & Raves Facebook Group Solves Absolutely Nothing for 47th Consecutive Day
One of Baton Rouge’s most active Facebook groups just hit an impressive streak, 47 straight days of solving absolutely nothing, while somehow generating hundreds of comments and even more confusion.
Mandie Landry Takes Aim at AI in Campaigns, Says Only Human Lies Should Be Allowed
Louisiana may soon regulate campaign honesty, but only the artificial kind. A new bill targets AI in ads, leaving the state’s long tradition of human-crafted deception fully protected.
Jeff Landry Suggests Resolving Iran Conflict By Air Dropping Caniac Combos Over The Region “Until Everyone Calms Down”
Global tensions may be rising, but Jeff Landry believes the solution is simple: air drop enough Cane’s into the region until everyone settles down and starts thinking clearly.
Man Completes Errand On Siegen Lane In Under 2 Hours, Declared Local Legend
A Baton Rouge man completed a full errand on Siegen Lane in under two hours, prompting officials to investigate what they’re calling a “temporary and highly suspicious lapse in traffic conditions.”
St. George Man Celebrates One Year Anniversary of Attempting Left Turn at Pecue and Highland
A St. George man marked one full year attempting a single left turn at Pecue and Highland, as family celebrated roadside and officials confirmed solutions remain under extended, ongoing study.
Baton Rouge Residents Begin Measuring Distance in “How Many Red Lights” Instead of Miles
Residents say the new system finally reflects reality, where a “quick trip” can mean sitting through four lights and watching the same car next to you age in real time.
CATS Says Emailing Bank Statement Monthly Impossible Due to Ongoing Shortage Of Non-Arrested Employees
CATS officials say a simple monthly task, downloading a bank statement, attaching it to an email, and clicking send, isn’t feasible given current staffing challenges.