WASHINGTON, D.C. – A coalition of leading tech experts issued a warning this week that artificial intelligence could soon replace millions of American jobs, moments before asking AI to draft the official statement “to ensure clarity and efficiency.”
“We wanted to communicate the urgency of the situation in the most effective way possible,” said one researcher, refreshing the response after the first version “sounded a little too enthusiastic about replacing us.”
The 42-page report outlines how automation is rapidly advancing across industries, particularly in writing, analysis, and administrative work. Observers noted the document was unusually concise, well-structured, and completed in roughly the time it takes a human to open a blank document and stare at it.
Sources confirmed the group initially attempted to write the report themselves but abandoned the effort after realizing AI could complete it faster, cheaper, and without asking for health insurance.
At the report’s conclusion, AI suggested next steps, including workforce retraining, regulatory oversight, and “remaining calm while transitioning into irrelevance.”
