BATON ROUGE, LA – A local furniture store marked a historic milestone this week, celebrating its 1,000th consecutive day of going out of business, a streak experts say may be unmatched in modern retail history.
Customers gathered to take advantage of “unprecedented final markdowns,” though many admitted they’ve been hearing that same pitch since roughly three mayors ago. “I came here in 2021 for the last chance sale,” said one shopper. “Now I just stop in out of respect.”
Perhaps most impressive is the team of dedicated employees stationed at nearby intersections, faithfully waving “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS” signs to passing traffic. Witnesses confirm several of the same individuals have held those signs for years, developing a level of arm endurance typically reserved for professional athletes.
Store management insists the closing is still very real. “We’re extremely close,” one manager said. “Closer than we’ve ever been.”
Officials say the store is now eligible for historic designation as Baton Rouge’s longest-running temporary closure.
