BATON ROUGE, LA – In a move aimed at protecting what remains of public morale, LSU baseball head coach Jay Johnson announced Saturday that the team will begin offering a voluntary “fan mercy rule” at Alex Box Stadium, allowing attendees to leave games early while hope is still technically alive.
Under the new policy, fans can exit as early as the fourth inning once the score reaches what officials describe as “mathematically discouraging.” Stadium staff will dim the lights slightly and play a soft instrumental version of “My Heart Will Go On” from Titanic to ease the transition.
“We realized people weren’t leaving because they wanted to,” said one team representative. “They were staying out of loyalty, which at this point feels a little irresponsible.”
Season ticket holders will receive punch cards, with every fifth early exit earning a free bottled water and an autograph photo of the LSU rally possum.
Players say they support the change, noting it’s the least they can do while continuing to experiment with new ways to lose baseball games.
