Attorney General Leases Brave Cave To Store Overflow Evidence in Baton Rouge Corruption Case
BATON ROUGE, LA – Citing an unexpected surge in documents, emails, meeting notes, contracts, invoices, and other materials associated with the ongoing Baton Rouge corruption investigation, Louisiana Attorney General investigators announced this week that additional storage space was needed to accommodate the growing collection of evidence. According to sources, investigators initially expected to need only […]
Livingston Parish Waterways Closed After Officials Detect Dangerous Levels Of Natty Light
State officials say the waterways should reopen once Natty Light concentrations fall below Louisiana’s recreational beer threshold.
Study Finds 62% Of Baton Rouge Directions Still Somehow Involve Cortana Mall
A new study found that 62% of directions given in Baton Rouge still somehow involve Cortana Mall, despite the mall being gone for years.
Bill Cassidy Signs Retirement Community NIL Deal Worth $400 In Early-Bird Buffet Credits, Unlimited Shuffleboard
Bill Cassidy’s post-Senate career is already off to a strong start after reportedly signing a retirement community deal worth $400 in buffet credits and unlimited shuffleboard.
Local Steakhouse Thanks St. Tammany Sheriff For Strong Second Quarter Earnings
Restaurant management declined to comment on the incident itself but confirmed they have already mailed the sheriff a plaque recognizing his contribution to local economic development.
Nick Saban Asks Congress To Require Media Mention Him Every Third Time They Mention Lane Kiffin
WASHINGTON, DC – Former Alabama coach Nick Saban appeared before Congress recently to discuss the future of college athletics, but much of the hearing reportedly focused on what he described as an increasingly alarming lack of media balance whenever LSU coach Lane Kiffin is discussed. According to sources, Saban proposed a new federal guideline requiring […]
Lane Kiffin Makes New LSU Prospects Drive From Port Allen To Baton Rouge At 5 PM To Test Resilience
LSU recruiters say the drive from Port Allen to Baton Rouge tells them more about a prospect than any highlight reel.
LSU Creates Official STTDB Etiquette Guide For Weddings And Corporate Events
LSU officials say years of confusion have finally forced the university to publish formal guidelines explaining exactly when fans should, and should not, yell STTDB in public.
State Announces New Penalties For Repeat DWI Offenders, Bringing Total Consequences To Roughly One Traffic Ticket
Louisiana lawmakers are celebrating a major crackdown on repeat DWI offenders after raising the consequences from “basically nothing” to “roughly one traffic ticket.”
Louisiana Historian Claims He Can Identify Any Parish By Counting Number Of Dollar Generals Visible From Single Dollar General Parking Lot
A Louisiana historian says he can identify any parish by counting the number of Dollar Generals visible from a single Dollar General parking lot. State officials are reportedly reviewing the research.
Coach O Reportedly Evaluates Linebackers By Seeing If They Can Finish An Entire Muffuletta At Anthony’s Italian Deli
LSU recruiting insiders say Coach O has developed a new way to evaluate linebackers, and it involves a trip to Anthony’s Italian Deli.
Baton Rouge Marriage Counselors Prepare For LSU Football Season By Hiring Additional Staff
Baton Rouge marriage counselors say football season is their busiest time of year, and LSU hasn’t even played a game yet.
Coffee Call Beignet Powder Officially Detected On Residents As Far Away As Dallas, Texas
Researchers say traces of Coffee Call beignet powder have been found on former Baton Rouge residents living in Dallas, confirming what locals have suspected for years.
I-12 Master Plan To Determine Best Way To Spend Millions Studying Thing Everyone Already Knows
Transportation officials are gathering public input on I-12, a corridor whose problems have already been thoroughly documented by every commuter in Louisiana.
AI Predicts Louisiana Hurricanes Will Lose 60% Intensity Due to Vast Number of Roadside Attorney Billboards
An AI weather model predicts Louisiana’s endless attorney billboards could reduce hurricane intensity by up to 60%.
LSU Introduces Dynamic Ticket Pricing That Increases After Every Touchdown
LSU says it learned valuable lessons from last year’s ticket price controversy. This year, prices won’t go up until the Tigers actually start scoring touchdowns.
EBR Officials Hire Ankle Monitor Monitor To Monitor Companies Monitoring Ankle Monitors
After multiple ankle monitor failures, officials say the obvious solution is hiring someone to monitor the people responsible for monitoring the ankle monitors.
Survey: 90% Of Baton Rouge Directions Still Contain “When You Pass Fleur de Lis”
Baton Rouge residents may have smartphones, GPS, and navigation apps, but apparently none of them have replaced the city’s most trusted landmark.
Local Man Attends Crawfish Boil Strictly To Critique Other People’s Boiling Technique
Louisiana researchers estimate that roughly 18% of all crawfish consumed each spring are eaten by people whose primary contribution was complaining about the boil.
Coach O Accidentally Signs Two Offensive Linemen While Ordering Boudin At Local Gas Station
Sources say Coach O’s recruiting success rate at Louisiana gas stations now exceeds several major recruiting websites combined.
EBR Schools to Create Task Force To Determine Exactly How Much Fun Graduates Are Allowed To Have
After years of tackling academic performance, school safety, and staffing challenges, EBR Schools has finally turned its attention to the issue residents were definitely losing sleep over: graduation dancing.
Louisiana Creates Department of Balloon Enforcement Following Statewide Ban
Louisiana banned balloon releases and somehow ended up creating an entire state agency to make sure nobody releases balloons. Residents say the solution feels appropriately proportional.
Cajuns Demand Congressional District From Lafayette To Wherever Their Cousins Live
Louisiana lawmakers may be redrawing congressional maps, but Cajuns say the process won’t be fair until every cousin, camp, and boudin shop is represented in the same district.
Louisiana Insurance Companies Agree Rates Would Be Lower If Louisiana Were Located Somewhere Else
After years of studies, insurance companies say rates could drop dramatically if Louisiana could somehow be relocated to a completely different state.
Mayor Refutes Land Loss Report, Says New Orleans Has Been Financially Underwater For Years Already
New Orleans officials reportedly spent hours explaining that a new study about Louisiana being underwater referred to land, not the city’s budget.
SB 466 Reassures Residents Their Land Will Only Be Seized By Domestic Interests, Not Foreign Ones
SB 466 protects Louisiana property owners from foreign land grabs while carefully preserving the state’s ability to conduct locally sourced land grabs when necessary.
EBR Schools Marks Seven Straight Days Without Campus Gun Incident
EBR administrators marked seven straight incident-free days this week, a streak experts are attributing primarily to locked doors and zero students.
Engineers Confident New Orleans Tunnel Would Only Flood During “Heavy Dew”
City officials praised the new underground transit proposal as “revolutionary infrastructure,” which in New Orleans roughly translates to “we’ll see what happens.”
Senate Introduces “Lane Kiffin Rule” Requiring Coaches To Wait Until Fans Finish Crying Before Resigning
Lawmakers unveiled the proposed “Lane Kiffin Rule” this week, giving devastated college football fans a federally protected mourning period before coaches can bolt for another job.
West Baton Rouge Parish Introduces “Signature Reserve Collection” of Public Information
West Baton Rouge officials are reportedly defending luxury-priced public records by reminding taxpayers they only paid to create the documents, not actually look at them.