BATON ROUGE, LA – A new study released this week found that 62% of all directions given in Baton Rouge still somehow involve Cortana Mall, despite the mall having largely disappeared from daily life years ago.
Researchers spent six months recording directions given by local residents and found references such as “and as soon as you get to Cortana,” “if you get to Cortana you’ve gone too far,” and “then when you pass the entrance to Cortana.”
According to the report, younger Baton Rouge residents often nod along during these conversations despite having no idea what the hell Cortana actually is.
“The fascinating thing is that none of the older crowd can agree on what currently occupies the property,” said lead researcher Daniel LeBlanc. “But nearly everyone of them can tell you where something is in relation to where Cortana Mall used to be.”
The study also found that longtime residents become increasingly confident in their directions when additional extinct landmarks are added.
One participant reportedly directed researchers to a restaurant by referencing Bon Marché Mall, Delchamps, and Fun Fair Park.
Researchers estimate Baton Rouge residents will continue using Cortana Mall as a landmark until at least 2047, or whenever the last person who used to spend their entire weekends at Space Port and Mama Brava’s passes away.
