McKernan Splits Cost of Landry’s Jet, Gets Exclusive Rights to Aerial Advertising
Governor Jeff Landry’s new $5.5 million jet won’t just fly officials—it’ll advertise Gordon McKernan. The attorney agreed to cover half the cost in exchange for prime fuselage ad space. Critics call it absurd, but McKernan insists it’s public safety. “With all these plane crashes lately, I realized my billboards weren’t reaching people where they needed me most—the sky.” Meanwhile, rival E. Eric Guirard rejected a snack coordinator role, only to settle for changing batteries in airport marshalling wands.
EBR School Superintendent Offers Job to Alleged School Bus Thief
Today the head of EBR Schools, Lamont Cole, offered the man who is alleged to have stolen one of his school buses a job as a driver with the school system.
Livingston Parish Sheriff Infiltrates Exclusive Squatted Truck Club With Decoy Tahoe
In a bold operation dubbed “Half Lift Havoc,” the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office successfully lured dozens of squatted trucks to a snow covered Walmart parking lot by promising free unlimited Monster Energy drinks, LED light bars, and a burnout contest.
New Orleans Mayor Skips Educational Funding Meeting to Attend International Conference on Educational Funding and Transparency
n a bold display of leadership, Mayor LaToya Cantrell was notably absent from a press conference addressing the city’s $20 million settlement with the Orleans Parish School Board. Why? She was reportedly attending an International Conference on Education Funding and Transparency
DOGE LA to be Lead by Todd Graves; Vows to Reduce Spending and Restore Chicken Finger Size
Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry has tapped Raising Cane’s founder Todd Graves as the state’s first-ever Director of Government Efficiency (DOGE-LA).
BREC Offers BRPD Half of the Fuel They’ve Been Skimming for Years
BREC has generously decided to help the Baton Rouge Police Department by sharing the stolen fuel that has been being siphoned off undetected for years.
Baton Rouge Installs Weed Smoke Dispensers at Intersections to Maintain City’s Signature Aroma
In a bold move to preserve Baton Rouge’s distinct atmosphere, the newly elected administration has announced the installation of automated weed smoke dispensers at major intersections throughout the city.
New Orleans Solves Teacher Shortage by Hiring Unconvicted Felons
Struggling with failing schools and skyrocketing crime, city officials have found a two-for-one solution: hiring criminals as teachers.
LADOTD to Celebrate 30th Anniversary of Bridge Studies with Festival
The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development (DOTD) is planning a massive festival to recognize the upcoming 30th anniversary of their ongoing Mississippi River Bridge study project, which will soon reach a staggering $150 million in expenses.
New Orleans Mayor Names Bourbon Street Hustler as Tourism Ambassador During Paris Gala
Mayor LaToya Cantrell has outdone herself, naming Danette Colbert, the infamous “Bourbon Street Hustler,” as New Orleans’ new Tourism Ambassador during a bougie, taxpayer-funded soirée at the Palace of Versailles.
Elon Musk Announces Plan to Colonize Siegen Lane, Says It’s More Dangerous Than Mars but Has Better Food
In an unprecedented shift from space travel, Elon Musk has announced plans to colonize Siegen Lane, citing its “hostile environment, unpredictable inhabitants, and the highest concentration of fast food restaurants per square mile outside the Deep South.”
Death Row Inmates in Louisiana Now Have Two Choices: Lethal Injection or the DMV
Louisiana has announced a new execution method, giving inmates two grim options: lethal injection or attempting to renew their driver’s license at the Department of Motor Vehicles on Independence Blvd until they finally die waiting in line.
Man Accused of Burglarizing Business Near Cortana Mall
WBRZ reports that the BRPD was sent to investigate an attempted burglary at a business near Cortana Mall recently.
Louisiana Governor Changes Name of Lake Ponchartrain to Lake Landry
Governor Jeff Landry has officially announced that Lake Pontchartrain will be renamed Lake Landry in honor of himself. “Pontchartrain was a French guy. I’m a Louisiana guy. It just makes sense,” Landry stated while posing next to a freshly printed “Welcome to Lake Landry” sign.
Governor Jeff Landry Issues Executive Order on Public Service Commissioner’s Social Media Use
BATON ROUGE, La – In a groundbreaking effort to uphold the integrity of Louisiana politics, Governor Jeff Landry has issued Executive Order No. 2025-WTF-013, officially permitting Public Service Commissioner Davante Lewis to continue posting insults about the governor online—but with one strict condition. “Mr. Lewis is free to post whatever he likes about me,” Landry […]
BRPD Set to Commission Dozens of Parish Librarians to Respond to Emergency Calls
BATON ROUGE, La —After pushback on the mayor’s suggestion of reallocating a portion of library funds to address a police shortage and budget deficit, city officials have found a compromise: commissioning librarians and sending them out to assist the BRPD by responding to overflow calls between the hours of 9 pm and 5 am. Through […]
Central School Raccoons Allowed to Stay on Buses After Behaving Better Than Students
CENTRAL, La – In an unexpected turn, school administrators managed to convince the Central Bus Drivers Association to let raccoons, recently found on the buses, stay onboard. They pointed out the raccoons were better at following instructions and less disruptive than the kids. Officials said the raccoons were quieter, more orderly, and didn’t cause much […]
Reinstated LSU Law Professor Launches ‘How to Get Paid by Taxpayers for Complaining About Politics 101’ Course
BATON ROUGE, La – After a brief suspension for using his classroom as a platform for political rants, LSU law professor Ken Levy is back and teaching a new course: “How to Get Paid by Taxpayers for Complaining About Politics 101.” “Why focus primarily on teaching law when you can throw in a couple of […]
St. George Mayoral Candidate Demonstrates Ability to Make Problems Go Away Instantly by Deleting Tough Questions Online
In a bold display of problem-solving prowess, St. George mayoral candidate Jim Morgan has showcased his ability to make challenges disappear—by repeatedly deleting his own campaign posts when questioned by several voters.
EBR Public Schools Strike Deal with UFC to Livestream Campus Fights
BATON ROUGE, La – In an unprecedented move, the East Baton Rouge Parish School System has announced a multi-million dollar partnership with the UFC to livestream student fights across several local campuses. Following a rash of recent altercations—one of which included a parent and a basketball coach—the school district saw an opportunity to turn chaos […]
Ascension Parish President Slaps Baton Rouge With 25% Tariff
GONZALES, La – Ascension Parish officials have announced a sweeping new tariff on Baton Rouge residents crossing parish lines, citing an “unfair trade imbalance” between the two communities. “We’re tired of overcrowded schools, packed restaurants, and reckless drivers behind the wheels of those damned Nissan Altimas from Baton Rouge,” said Ascension Parish President Clint Cointment. […]
State Rep. Larry Selders Pledges to Legalize Burnouts, DWI and Driving Under Suspension if Reelected
BATON ROUGE, La – Representative Selders was arrested in August 2022 for reckless driving, DWI, and driving under suspension. Now, he’s running on a platform to protect young men’s right to do burnouts, drive with a suspended license, and enjoy “alcohol-assisted precision driving” without government interference. Selders says Louisiana’s traffic laws unfairly target car enthusiasts. […]
Trump Appoints Louisiana Transportation Head to his Cabinet as Wall Czar
Palm Beach, FL – This morning President-Elect Donald Trump announced that he has created the position of Wall Czar on his cabinet and has given the job to the head of LADOTD. Trump told reporters “Folks, I’ve appointed the head of transportation in Louisiana as our new Wall Czar. Why? Because he built a wall […]