GONZALES, La – Ascension Parish officials have announced a sweeping new tariff on Baton Rouge residents crossing parish lines, citing an “unfair trade imbalance” between the two communities.
“We’re tired of overcrowded schools, packed restaurants, and reckless drivers behind the wheels of those damned Nissan Altimas from Baton Rouge,” said Ascension Parish President Clint Cointment. “This new policy slaps a 25% traffic surcharge on all Baton Rouge vehicles entering Ascension, a ‘school impact fee’ for EBR-residents enrolling their bad ass kids in Ascension schools, and a penalty on any Camaro, Challenger or Charger blasting loud music at area gas stations past 9 p.m, with the exception of Donaldsonville,” said Cointment.
In response, East Baton Rouge officials have proposed retaliatory tariffs, including a 25% tax on Ascension residents commuting into Baton Rouge for work, a premium surcharge on LSU tailgate parking passes, and restrictions on fried seafood exports. “They want to tax us? Fine,” said Baton Rouge Mayor Sid Edwards. “Let’s see how they like life without good catfish and shrimp.”
Cointment added that he is still undecided on whether the tariff will include all 2,684 Gordon McKernan billboards in Ascension Parish that still have the firm’s Baton Rouge number on them, but plans on bringing that issue before the council at the next meeting.
