BATON ROUGE, La. – Instead of offering financial aid, BREC has decided to help the Baton Rouge Police Department in the only way it knows—by sharing the fuel that has been siphoned off undetected for years.
As BRPD faces a severe officer shortage and limited resources, local leaders have discussed various ways to provide support. One proposal from Mayor Sid Edwards suggested using part of the East Baton Rouge Library’s $95 million surplus to fund new police hires. However, while officials debate budget solutions, BREC has come forward with a more “practical” approach: offering half of the fuel that has been siphoned off for decades.
“In light of BRPD’s financial struggles, we are prepared to donate half of the fuel that we’ve been skimming for years,” a BREC spokesperson announced. “We figure it’s the least we can do since, you know, it ain’t our money anyway.”
The spokesperson went on to explain how the long-running scheme remained undetected. “Every year, when the audit rolls around, we make sure the right people maintain unfettered access to our fuel pumps. In return, any mentions of missing fuel never quite make it into the final report. It’s a win-win—well, at least for us.”
Upon hearing the news, at least three CATS officials, two Council on Aging officials and two members of the EBR Metro Council abruptly traded their GM SUVs for Tesla Model Xs.
