Baton Rouge Police Turn to Bake Sales While Library Unveils $20 Million Rooftop Lounge
Struggling for funds, Baton Rouge police officers now rely on bake sales for basic gear while the library splurges on a $20 million rooftop lounge. As Oprah hosts a lavish literary soirée, officers hope their “Cookies for Kevlar” fundraiser keeps them afloat.
St. George Mayoral Candidate With Solicitation Conviction Says He’s Not Pulling Out
Jim Morgan made history as the first St. George mayoral candidate with a solicitation conviction—and now he’s refusing to pull out. With Election Day approaching, voters must decide if he’s truly committed or just sticking around for another happy ending.
Landry to Require Buc-ee’s in Lafayette to Play Trump Speeches at Gas Pumps
Louisiana’s newest Buc-ee’s won’t just offer oversized snacks and clean restrooms—it’ll now serve up 24/7 Trump speeches, thanks to Gov. Jeff Landry. Customers filling up on gas will hear classics like “We’re winning so much, you’ll get tired of winning.”
Disney Announces Louisiana Themed Attraction in Orlando
Disney has announced the opening of a new Louisiana-themed Attraction at it’s Orlando theme park
Governor Jeff Landry Issues Executive Order Banning James Carville from Wearing LSU Gear on TV
Governor Jeff Landry has issued an executive order banning James Carville from wearing LSU gear on TV until he “stops acting insane.” Officials say Carville must prove he can do one interview without a meltdown before the ban is lifted.
Krewe of Brave Cave Set to Roll in Spanish Town Mardi Gras Parade
Baton Rouge’s Spanish Town Mardi Gras Parade will feature The Krewe of Brave Cave, a satirical float modeled after the city’s now-defunct interrogation facility. Complete with fake arrest warrants, broken body cameras, and evidence bags with holes, it’s even built entirely from missing police reports that were never filed. Parade rolls March 9!
Climate Activists Glue Themselves to SUVs, Accidentally Provide Free Security
SAN FRANCISCO, Ca. – group of climate activists superglued themselves to SUVs this weekend to protest fossil fuel consumption, only to inadvertently create the most effective anti-theft system ever. “I haven’t felt this secure in years,” said F-250 owner Mike Henderson. “Usually, I worry about carjackers—now I’ve got a human alarm system.” The protest quickly […]
Gavin Newsom Declares California a ‘Climate-Free Zone’ to Combat Global Warming
Governor Gavin Newsom has declared California a “climate-free zone” in a bold effort to eliminate global warming. “No climate, no climate change,” Newsom explained while banning state agencies from acknowledging heat waves, wildfires, or droughts. Meteorologists must now describe all weather as “mild and sustainable.” Critics raised concerns, but Newsom dismissed them before boarding a private jet to a climate summit.
Albany Louisiana Launches RouxTube, First Ever Streaming Gumbo Service
Albany’s RouxTube is revolutionizing home dining—gumbo straight from the tap! But with a boil advisory in place and pipes clogging with andouille, officials scramble to keep this Cajun catastrophe under control.
New Orleans Building Inspectors Awarded for Excellence in Permitting Delays
In a groundbreaking achievement for bureaucratic excellence, the New Orleans Department of Safety and Permits has been honored with the prestigious “Golden Traffic Cone Award” for their unparalleled ability to delay construction permits indefinitely.
Ascension Parish President Slaps Baton Rouge With 25% Tariff
GONZALES, La – Ascension Parish officials have announced a sweeping new tariff on Baton Rouge residents crossing parish lines, citing an “unfair trade imbalance” between the two communities. “We’re tired of overcrowded schools, packed restaurants, and reckless drivers behind the wheels of those damned Nissan Altimas from Baton Rouge,” said Ascension Parish President Clint Cointment. […]