DOTD Unveils Newly Redesigned I-12 Barrier After Visiting 3rd Grade Science Class
DOTD engineers say a recent elementary school science lesson provided several “valuable new insights” into why concrete interstate barriers may cause flooding.
Cassidy Campaign Purchases “Flashy Thing” From Men in Black to Help Voters Forget Last 11 Years
Witnesses claim Cassidy briefly flashed a strange device at supporters before everyone suddenly started calling him “a consistent conservative.”
Baton Rouge Ankle Monitoring Company Celebrates 100th Customer-Related Shooting Incident
A Baton Rouge ankle monitoring company is celebrating a major milestone after its devices officially reached 100 customer-related shootings without a single equipment failure.
Landry Recall Organizers Accused Of Disenfranchising Thousands After Requiring Photo ID To Sign Petition
Organizers defended the rules by explaining that democracy works best when verification standards fluctuate depending on who’s being targeted.
Landry Reassigns Entire DMV Workforce to Recall Verification Division, Results Expected by Early 2031
Jeff Landry’s newest strategy for surviving a recall reportedly involves routing every signature through the same people handling Real IDs and broken ticket printers.
State Encourages Landowners to Think of Carbon Capture Land Seizures as “Involuntary Environmentalism”
Landowners are being encouraged to view forced participation in carbon storage as a meaningful contribution to the environment they didn’t agree to make.
Democrats Demand Supreme Court Agree to “Best Two Out of Three” Series on Louisiana Congressional Map Ruling
Democrats say the Supreme Court ruling on Louisiana’s congressional map only counts as Game One, and they’re now pushing for a full best-of-three series before accepting defeat.
Post Malone’s Tour Bus Stuck in I-10 Traffic on Spillway, Forced to Cancel May 23 Concert
LSU fans are devastated after Post Malone’s tour bus became trapped on the Spillway, with GPS estimates now placing arrival sometime near football season.
Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
After Supreme Court Tosses Map, Senior Official Confirms It Was Drawn by His 5-Year-Old Neice for “Fresh Perspective”
Louisiana’s rejected congressional map might make more sense now after officials confirmed it was originally drawn by a 5-year-old before being “cleaned up” for presentation.
EBR Teacher’s Union Says St. George Should Stay And Help Preserve The System That Made Everyone Want To Leave
As nearby top-ranked school districts exploded in growth, EBR officials insist the connection between good schools and families moving there remains purely coincidental.
Proposed Bill Requires DOTD to Repurpose Existing Potholes for I-12 Wall Drainage
Louisiana may have finally found a use for all those interstate potholes, flood control. A new proposal suggests moving them directly into the I-12 barrier wall.
District Court Tests Pilot Program Letting Violent Offenders Pre-Schedule Their Next Release
Baton Rouge courts are rolling out a new pilot program aimed at efficiency, and critics say it may be the most honest acknowledgment yet of how predictable the system has become.
Baton Rouge Activists Complete Impressive Career Shift From City Planning Experts to School District Authorities
Local experts who just wrapped up their decade-long run as city planners have already rebranded as education policy specialists. Officials say the turnaround time was “impressively aggressive.”
Landry Pushes Trump to Open Strait of Hormuz to Licensed Louisiana Fishermen After Taking Him Fishing There
After Trump reportedly caught multiple mackerel in the Strait of Hormuz, Landry now wants Louisiana fishermen to have access to the same waters.
EBR Launches “Suffering Builds Character” Campaign to Discourage St. George School Breakaway
With St. George looking to leave, EBR leaders are doubling down, saying the real education was the disappointment students experienced along the way.
Source: Mitch Landrieu Being Considered To Chair 2028 Presidential Pre-Loss Planning Committee
Democrats may have found their most reliable closer, Mitch Landrieu, now reportedly being considered to lead pre-loss planning before campaigns even get started. Efficiency has never looked so predictable.
Zachary Neighbor Who Shut Down Go-Kart Track Now Drafting New Complaint Against Passing Cars
After shutting down a go-kart track, a Zachary neighbor is already working on her next complaint, this time targeting passing cars on a nearby highway.
Central Mayor Seen Removing Shirt at New City Hall to Reclaim Spotlight From Baseball Coach
A high school coach may have started the shirtless trend, but Central’s mayor made sure he finished it, and took the entire news cycle with him.
Longtime Pothole Earns Landmark Status After Outlasting Several Mayors And Repair Budgets
A pothole on Airline Highway has officially achieved what most projects never do, completion through neglect and recognition through survival.
Delta Customers Establish Official “Bill Opening Support Group,” Urge Friends to Attend
Baton Rouge residents are no longer opening Delta bills alone, they’re hosting full “Bill Opening Nights” with friends just to confirm the numbers are actually real.
LSU Baseball Adds Mercy Rule for Its Own Fans
Tigers fans no longer have to suffer through the full nine innings. LSU just introduced a mercy rule designed specifically for the people in the stands.
QVC Declares Bankruptcy After Last Remaining Viewer Accidentally Changes Channel
QVC’s entire business model reportedly collapsed after its last loyal viewer accidentally changed the channel, triggering what executives described as an immediate and total loss of audience.
New Insurance Reform Bill Requires Rate Increases To Be Explained Using Smaller Words
The state tackled high insurance rates by making companies explain them in simpler terms. Good news, you’ll finally understand why you’re paying more every month.
Wall Street Surges After Realizing Nothing Has Gone Wrong in the Past 3 Hours
Wall Street just had its best day in weeks after three straight hours of absolutely nothing going wrong, a milestone investors now consider wildly bullish in today’s market.
CDC Confirms New “Cicada COVID Variant” That Only Emerges Every 17 Years to Ruin Summer
CDC says a new “cicada variant” is here, emerging every 17 years to ruin summer and your sanity. Symptoms include confusion, fatigue, and wondering if the screaming is inside your head.
Louisiana Legislature Passes Bipartisan Resolution Declaring Everyone Else The Problem
Lawmakers say the new policy will save time, reduce confusion, and provide voters with the clarity they deserve about who is definitely not responsible.
Washington DC Experts Warn AI Could Replace Jobs, Immediately Use AI to Draft Warning
Experts are sounding the alarm about AI replacing jobs, then immediately used AI to write the warning faster than any of them could. Turns out the timeline may be shorter than expected.
Baton Rouge Furniture Store Celebrates 1,000th Consecutive Day Of Going Out Of Business
Locals are beginning to suspect “going out of business” might not actually mean what it says, especially after 1,000 consecutive days of the same sale.
Local Rants & Raves Facebook Group Solves Absolutely Nothing for 47th Consecutive Day
One of Baton Rouge’s most active Facebook groups just hit an impressive streak, 47 straight days of solving absolutely nothing, while somehow generating hundreds of comments and even more confusion.