Louisiana AG Liz Murrill Proposes ID Requirements for People Waiting in King Cake Lines
Louisiana Attorney General Liz Murrill proposed voter ID requirements for king cake lines, arguing the state must protect limited inventory from out-of-state buyers and residents who “just discovered Mardi Gras.”
New BRPD Drone Dispatched to North Baton Rouge, Immediately Asked To Borrow A Dollar
Officials say the drone was unharmed but has since been reprogrammed to maintain higher altitude and never carry a pack of cigarettes.
Zachary Launches New Code Enforcement System After Discovering Residents Have Been Ignoring Old One for Years
City officials say the upgraded system replaces handwritten complaints and months of inaction with a faster process designed to finally confirm that residents were never confused about the rules, just completely uninterested in following them.
LaToya Cantrell Says City Password List Was Left in Dubai, Requests One Final City-Funded Trip to Retrieve It
Former New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell says the city’s password list is in Dubai and requests one last city-funded trip to retrieve it.
Recent CATS Indictment Suggests Bus System Actually Had Money at Some Point, Shocking Local Residents
The indictment stunned Baton Rouge residents, many of whom admitted they were unaware the Capital Area Transit System had money available to steal.
Rock the Country Tour to Skip Louisiana Following Reports Jeff Landry Wants Live Texas Steer at Shows
Festival organizers confirmed Louisiana was removed from the tour after reports surfaced that state officials wanted a live Texas steer roaming concert crowds to “restore authenticity.”
BR Residents Invited to Delta Utilities Town Hall, Told Company Rep Will Be Joining by Zoom From Yacht in Caribbean
Officials confirmed the meeting would proceed normally, noting that offshore connectivity issues are considered standard practice in modern customer service and public accountability.
New Orleans Mayor Appoints Kamala Harris as Sewerage & Water Board Czar to Find Root Causes of Drainage Issues
New Orleans officials say Kamala Harris was chosen to identify drainage root causes, citing her ability to speak at length without offering timelines, solutions, or any measurable outcomes.
DOTD Confirms New Pecue Lane Design at Interstate Is Working Exactly As Designed, Just Not As Expected
DOTD insists the Pecue interchange is performing flawlessly, provided drivers abandon instinct, common sense, and any expectations formed by decades of Baton Rouge commuting.
Officials Blame Latest LSU Lakes Project Cost Increase and Delay on Unanticipated Flamingo Activity
LSU officials say flamingos standing in freshly disturbed mud forced another delay, adding months and millions to a lakes project that continues to evolve faster than its completion date.
Waze Adds “Shootings Along Your Route” Notices for Baton Rouge Commuters After Violent Weekend
Waze users noted the notices rarely change destinations, only routes, reflecting how quickly abnormal conditions have become part of everyday decision-making.
Jeff Landry Orders Cajun Navy on Standby After Hearing British Troops Might Be Headed to Greenland
The governor’s office said no deployment orders exist yet, but volunteers were encouraged to prepare boats, cold-weather gear, and the confidence required to arrive before anyone asks for help.
Louisiana Once Again Named Worst State For Road Rage, Baton Rouge Residents Shocked Anyone Else Is Competing
A new report crowns Louisiana worst in road rage again, leaving residents confused why other states thought they were even in the race.
Former Louisiana House Speaker Pleads Not Guilty to Artifact Theft, Cites State’s Longstanding Tradition Of Losing Things
A courtroom plea meets Louisiana tradition, as a former House Speaker’s defense points to the state’s long history of misplacing things and acting surprised when someone notices.
St. George Planning Commission Shocks Parish by Delaying Major Housing Project to Review Traffic and Flooding Impacts
In an unexpected break from parish tradition, St. George officials chose to pause the project, review traffic and flooding concerns, and resist the urge to approve first and explain consequences later.
Judge Evicts Store Owner From Highland Road Property, Clarifies Criminal Activity Welcome to Continue
A judge has officially shut down the store but not the scene, removing the owner while leaving everything else exactly where it’s always been.
Moreno Signs Executive Order to Liquidate Latoya Cantrell’s Frequent Flier Miles, Pays Off Entire City Debt With Proceeds
City officials confirmed New Orleans eliminated its entire debt after liquidating former Mayor LaToya Cantrell’s frequent flier miles, a move accountants called “embarrassingly effective.”
Jeff Landry Volunteers to Run Venezuela for Trump, Appoints Nungesser to Handle “That Greenland Thing” For Him
Governor Jeff Landry reportedly offered to run Venezuela, while casually assigning Billy Nungesser to handle Greenland.
State Rep. Paula Davis’ Farewell Party Gets “Accidentally” Scheduled at Louisiana Democratic Party Headquarters
Republican voters finally found common ground with one of her decisions, and the farewell party location may have said the quiet part out loud.
Louisiana Officials Confirm Calling to Report a Hands-Free Violation is Also a Hands-Free Violation
Louisiana officials confirmed that calling police to report a hands-free driving violation also counts as a hands-free violation, effectively ensuring every concerned citizen remains equally guilty.
Minnesota Democrats Warn That Stopping Fraud Could Damage Community Trust in Future Fraud
Minnesota officials cautioned that cracking down on massive fraud now could discourage future participation, undermine trust, and create unrealistic expectations that taxpayer money is actually monitored.
Government Admits Chemtrail Program Delayed After Difficulty Finding Pilots Willing to Poison Their Own Families
The government’s alleged chemtrail operation has reportedly stalled, not because of exposure, but because officials can’t find pilots willing to gas themselves and everyone they love.
Group Studying Mississippi River Bridge Feasibility Now Tasked With Reviewing U.S.–Greenland Connection at Landry’s Direction
Louisiana officials confirmed the Mississippi River bridge study group has been instructed by Jeff Landry to expand its scope internationally, adding a preliminary review of a possible bridge connecting the U.S. to Greenland.
Trump Campaign Calls Nicki Minaj Endorsement a “Cultural Drop,” Declines to Explain Further
The Trump campaign labeled Nicki Minaj’s endorsement a “cultural drop,” admitting the phrase sounded confident enough to avoid follow-up questions or the need for an actual explanation.
Chuck Schumer Earns Lowest Approval Leader Crown, Now Less Popular Than Waiting in DMV Line
Chuck Schumer’s approval rating has fallen so low that aides now describe it as “conceptual,” insisting leadership isn’t about popularity but about enduring long enough for voters to forget why they were annoyed.
Jeff Landry Mandates Live Polar Bears Appear at All Future Greenland Football Games, Calls It “Tradition-Building”
Greenland tried football without traditions. Jeff Landry fixed that by mandating live polar bears on the sidelines, proving Louisiana solutions work everywhere, regardless of climate, common sense, or liability laws.
Landry Signs Executive Order to Build Tony Chachere’s Distribution Center in Greenland After Discovering Food There Has “No Real Seasoning”
Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry signed an executive order exporting Tony Chachere’s to Greenland after determining the region’s cuisine lacked seasoning, heat, and any understanding of what “make it taste right” means.
As Newly Appointed Envoy to Greenland, Jeff Landry Immediately Demands to See Their Football Coaching Contract
Newly appointed Greenland envoy Jeff Landry reportedly stalled diplomatic talks after demanding football contracts and gumbo before determining whether Greenland was ready for serious engagement.
Cantrell Removes Mayor-Elect Banners, Says They Sent Wrong Message That Change Is Coming
New Orleans removed banners celebrating the mayor-elect after the sitting mayor said they sent the wrong message, mainly that any change was coming.
Louisiana Lawmakers Learn Most 13-Year-Olds Do Not Own Government-Issued Identification
A federal judge reminded Louisiana lawmakers that children are, legally and practically, children, ending a social media law that required 13-year-olds to present IDs they do not have.