Entergy Unveils Pilot Program in Central Neighborhood to See How Long Humans Can Go Without Power
Entergy says the rolling outages in Central are actually part of a new “pilot program” to study how long people can endure life without electricity. The company insists this is not a delay in service, but rather “a community-wide resilience initiative.”
LADOTD Leases Florida Blvd. at Rushmore Intersection to Jeep For Off Road Testing
LADOTD has struck a deal with Chrysler to turn the intersection of Florida and Rushmore into a Jeep Wrangler proving ground. Engineers will monitor suspensions while local residents watch from a safe distance, relieved they’re no longer the guinea pigs.
Metro Baton Rouge Drivers Form Road Construction Fantasy League, Cash in on Delays
Fed up with never-ending delays, Baton Rouge drivers are turning construction chaos into competition. The Metro Baton Rouge Road Construction Fantasy League lets locals draft real LADOTD projects and score points on delays, budget increases, and how often workers pretend to be busy.
Pelicans Fire Griffin After Setting Record for ‘Most Games Played in the Fetal Position’
After a season defined by injuries, fourth-quarter fades, and a growing existential dread, the Pelicans fired Griffin for building a roster that moonlighted as a support group.
Louisiana Legislature Promises Action This Session, Just Not the Kind That Helps Anyone
The 2025 Louisiana legislative session opened with a promise of action—mostly involving commemorative license plates, symbolic bills, and a remarkable refusal to address anything remotely useful for the average taxpayer.
Locals Add Comite Diversion Completion to ‘List of Things Less Likely Than an LSU Season With No Arrests’
Locals recently added the Comite Diversion Canal’s actual completion to the same list as an LSU football season with no arrests—right between “affordable insurance” and “a functional city council.”
Impact Charter Students Offered Crash Course in How Not to Run a School—Using Their Own
Impact Charter is being evicted, and its students are learning that “Education Explosion” wasn’t just a name—it was the business model.
City Council’s New Motto: ‘Til Debt Do Us Part’—Alimony Tax to Mend Municipal Finances
Baton Rouge officials have a bold new plan to fix the budget—taxing the already emotionally bankrupt. The alimony tax is back, and this time, it’s not just personal. It’s painfully civic.
Louisiana Unveils New Insurance Strategy: Just Keep Talking About It Until Voters Die
Louisiana officials unveiled their newest plan to address skyrocketing insurance: talk about it in endless loops until voters either forget, move away, or die trying to afford their auto premiums.
Keep Tiger Town Beautiful Accidentally Picks Up, Disposes of Entire Motel 6 on Siegen Lane
Keep Tiger Town Beautiful accidentally cleaned up more than just litter this week—they removed an entire Motel 6 from Siegen Lane, mistaking it for an abandoned dump site. No one’s complaining. Not even the sheriff’s department.
Governor Landry Frees Oil Companies from ‘Unnecessary Burden’ of Saving Louisiana’s Coastline
“If God didn’t want us to drill next to pelicans, He wouldn’t have put them so close to the rigs,” Governor Landry said, moments before a wave swallowed half the podium. Lobbyists applauded the bold leadership.
Joy Reid Fired After MSNBC Discovers Most Viewers Were Satire News Writers
MSNBC canceled The ReidOut after discovering most of its audience consisted of satire writers mining Joy Reid’s monologues for content. Executives tried saving the show by asking her to be less absurd, but when she accidentally said something accurate on air, they had no choice but to pull the plug
Mayor Cantrell Seeks Solace in Maldives After Sunday Parade Cancellations, Citing ‘Emotional Distress’
As New Orleans’ Mardi Gras parades were canceled, Mayor Cantrell jetted to the Maldives, citing “emotional distress.” “I gotta keep my mental right,” she explained, while sippin’ on gin & juice.
New Orleans Building Inspectors Awarded for Excellence in Permitting Delays
In a groundbreaking achievement for bureaucratic excellence, the New Orleans Department of Safety and Permits has been honored with the prestigious “Golden Traffic Cone Award” for their unparalleled ability to delay construction permits indefinitely.
Mitch Landrieu’s Career Reduced to Rubble—So He Got a Job Moving It
Mitch Landrieu’s career has officially come full circle—after years of tearing things down, he’s now literally hauling away debris for a paycheck. Following his disastrous stint as co-chair of Kamala Harris’ failed campaign, Landrieu has embraced his one true skill: wrecking things, this time with a crane
Baton Rouge Installs Weed Smoke Dispensers at Intersections to Maintain City’s Signature Aroma
In a bold move to preserve Baton Rouge’s distinct atmosphere, the newly elected administration has announced the installation of automated weed smoke dispensers at major intersections throughout the city.
LADOTD to Celebrate 30th Anniversary of Bridge Studies with Festival
The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development (DOTD) is planning a massive festival to recognize the upcoming 30th anniversary of their ongoing Mississippi River Bridge study project, which will soon reach a staggering $150 million in expenses.
Man Accused of Burglarizing Business Near Cortana Mall
WBRZ reports that the BRPD was sent to investigate an attempted burglary at a business near Cortana Mall recently.
Louisiana Governor Changes Name of Lake Ponchartrain to Lake Landry
Governor Jeff Landry has officially announced that Lake Pontchartrain will be renamed Lake Landry in honor of himself. “Pontchartrain was a French guy. I’m a Louisiana guy. It just makes sense,” Landry stated while posing next to a freshly printed “Welcome to Lake Landry” sign.
Governor Jeff Landry Issues Executive Order on Public Service Commissioner’s Social Media Use
BATON ROUGE, La – In a groundbreaking effort to uphold the integrity of Louisiana politics, Governor Jeff Landry has issued Executive Order No. 2025-WTF-013, officially permitting Public Service Commissioner Davante Lewis to continue posting insults about the governor online—but with one strict condition. “Mr. Lewis is free to post whatever he likes about me,” Landry […]
BRPD Set to Commission Dozens of Parish Librarians to Respond to Emergency Calls
BATON ROUGE, La —After pushback on the mayor’s suggestion of reallocating a portion of library funds to address a police shortage and budget deficit, city officials have found a compromise: commissioning librarians and sending them out to assist the BRPD by responding to overflow calls between the hours of 9 pm and 5 am. Through […]
Central School Raccoons Allowed to Stay on Buses After Behaving Better Than Students
CENTRAL, La – In an unexpected turn, school administrators managed to convince the Central Bus Drivers Association to let raccoons, recently found on the buses, stay onboard. They pointed out the raccoons were better at following instructions and less disruptive than the kids. Officials said the raccoons were quieter, more orderly, and didn’t cause much […]
Reinstated LSU Law Professor Launches ‘How to Get Paid by Taxpayers for Complaining About Politics 101’ Course
BATON ROUGE, La – After a brief suspension for using his classroom as a platform for political rants, LSU law professor Ken Levy is back and teaching a new course: “How to Get Paid by Taxpayers for Complaining About Politics 101.” “Why focus primarily on teaching law when you can throw in a couple of […]
Ascension Parish President Slaps Baton Rouge With 25% Tariff
GONZALES, La – Ascension Parish officials have announced a sweeping new tariff on Baton Rouge residents crossing parish lines, citing an “unfair trade imbalance” between the two communities. “We’re tired of overcrowded schools, packed restaurants, and reckless drivers behind the wheels of those damned Nissan Altimas from Baton Rouge,” said Ascension Parish President Clint Cointment. […]
Trump Appoints Louisiana Transportation Head to his Cabinet as Wall Czar
Palm Beach, FL – This morning President-Elect Donald Trump announced that he has created the position of Wall Czar on his cabinet and has given the job to the head of LADOTD. Trump told reporters “Folks, I’ve appointed the head of transportation in Louisiana as our new Wall Czar. Why? Because he built a wall […]