BATON ROUGE, LA – Researchers at LSU announced last week that former patrons of the Broadmoor Theatre possess antibodies for several diseases that have not yet been identified by modern medicine, raising new questions about exactly what residents were exposed to during the dollar theater’s final decades of operation.
The study began after scientists noticed that many longtime Baton Rouge residents who regularly attended movies at the iconic Broadmoor Theatre appeared unusually resistant to common illnesses and not a single one of them contracted COVID. Blood samples collected from former patrons reportedly destroyed several laboratory bacteria cultures before researchers even began testing them.
“We found immune responses to pathogens that don’t technically exist yet,” said one researcher. “At least according to current medical literature.”
The Broadmoor Theatre operated for decades as Baton Rouge’s beloved dollar theater, attracting generations of moviegoers willing to overlook certain… conditions in exchange for affordable entertainment.
Researchers believe years spent sitting in the theater’s seats, touching its handrails, and occasionally entering its restrooms may have exposed patrons to a wide range of microorganisms unavailable anywhere else in the country.
Several former customers were unsurprised by the findings.
“If you made it through a summer matinee at Broadmoor in 1994, COVID never really stood a chance,” said one Baton Rouge resident.
The Louisiana Department of Health has reportedly designated several recovered Broadmoor Theatre seat cushions as “materials of significant scientific interest” and placed them in secure storage.
