BATON ROUGE, LA – With reports linking Dave Aranda to an LSU analyst position, university officials have already identified his first assignment: determining why their defense started looking different shortly after Dave Aranda stopped coaching it.
The investigation will begin with film from 2019, followed by several uncomfortable meetings in which administrators repeatedly describe everything afterward as “a transition period.”
“We need someone who understands what Dave Aranda brought to this program,” said one athletic department source. “Ideally, someone who worked closely with Dave Aranda.”
Aranda reportedly requested a whiteboard, access to old game film and a list of everyone who said the next guy would be just as good.
Fans welcomed the potential reunion, immediately asking whether his analyst duties would include calling plays, recruiting linebackers and locating Joe Burrow.
LSU officials stressed that Aranda would serve strictly in an advisory capacity, meaning he would identify problems while considerably louder people explained why those problems were actually someone else’s responsibility.
His preliminary recommendation was to retain Dave Aranda.
