BATON ROUGE, LA – A Secret Service agent preparing for Saturday’s LSU-Alabama game received a briefing Thursday afternoon on the difference between threatening behavior and a man watching his team attempt a screen pass on third and twelve.
Local officials explained that clenched fists, shouting and sudden changes in blood pressure would provide little information inside Tiger Stadium.
“If he says somebody needs to be fired, let him finish,” said a stadium liaison. “There are several possibilities.”
The agent was shown training footage of a man pointing aggressively toward the field, then informed the man had paid $1,800 for the right to do that from those seats.
Officials said his final assessment would involve distinguishing a suspicious package from a Ziploc bag of jambalaya.
The agent passed the written portion but requested clarification after learning a man yelling “watch the tight end” might be the only person actually helping.
