DENHAM SPRINGS, LA – Livingston Parish officials this week celebrated the approval of yet another large subdivision connected entirely to a two-lane roadway originally intended to support occasional covered wagon traffic, loose livestock, and maybe three people named “Jedediah.”
The new 2,000-home development joins eleven others already funneling commuters onto the same road, which residents say now regularly resembles the Cortana Mall parking lot on Black Friday in the 1980s.
Traffic engineers reportedly concluded the road still has room for expansion after observing that some drivers technically continue moving forward, even if only six feet every light cycle.
Developers praised the parish’s commitment to “smart growth,” noting that modern residents benefit from amenities unavailable during the wagon era, including brake lights, road rage podcasts, and drive-thru daiquiri shops.
Meanwhile, parish leaders unveiled plans to address congestion by adding a decorative “Share The Road” sign and extending one turn lane by approximately the length of a Bass Tracker boat being pulled by a Chevy AT4 pickup.
