BATON ROUGE, LA – State officials confirmed Tuesday that Louisiana residents will begin informally ranking hurricanes not by wind speed or flooding damage, but by whichever storm results in the least amount of Entergy surcharges appearing on monthly bills afterward.
The new system reportedly comes after years of residents realizing they could survive weeks without power, lose half their roof, and still somehow be more financially devastated by the “storm recovery adjustment” line item six months later.
“Honestly, Ida was probably a Category 4 surcharge with a Category 3 storm attached to it,” said Baton Rouge resident Kevin Boudreaux while studying his electric bill like a criminal indictment.
Meteorologists across the Gulf South are now expected to include projected Entergy recovery costs directly alongside cone forecasts this hurricane season.
“Residents deserve transparency,” said one utility analyst. “If a storm is expected to produce three weeks of outages and a twelve-year billing surcharge, people should know.”
Several Louisiana families reportedly spent this week updating emergency kits with flashlights, bottled water, batteries, and a second checking account dedicated entirely to future utility charges.
