BATON ROUGE, LA – In a move that perfectly captures Baton Rouge’s sense of priorities, LSU has reportedly hired former head coach Ed “Coach O” Orgeron a new role as Head of Tailgate Security, complete with a furnished condominium near Sorority Row and full access to the campus golf cart fleet. Officials say the position will focus on “crowd control, morale management, and beverage oversight,” though sources admit it’s mostly a way to keep him around without giving him a headset and another multi-million dollar safety net.
The hire comes as Orgeron made headlines recently telling reporters he’s “ready to coach again,” while also being ordered by the Louisiana Supreme Court to hand over roughly $8.13 million of his LSU buyout to his ex-wife. Sources say the new role could help him rebuild both his image and his bar tab while giving him a new excuse to strike up conversations with sorority girls.
The idea gained momentum after a string of campus incidents, including a recent shooting near the North Gates and another by the LSU lakes, prompted administrators to “bring in someone who can yell loud enough to scare off danger.” One LSU safety official told The Sadvocate, “We figured if anything goes down, just unleash Coach O. No one’s sticking around after they hear that voice.”
As part of the agreement, Orgeron will be provided a top-floor fully furnished student condominium with “strategic visibility” of Sorority Row, where he’ll reportedly monitor pregame activity and “ensure the atmosphere is championship-level.” When asked for comment, Coach O reportedly smiled and said, “Geaux ahead, I’m in but only if I get a whistle and as much of dat tailgate jambalaya dat I can eat.”
