BATON ROUGE, La. – In a shocking turn of events, Baton Rouge traffic is moving faster now that the city’s traffic lights have gone into full meltdown mode.

“I got from Acadian to Siegen on Perkins in under 45 minutes,” said a bewildered commuter. “I haven’t seen that kind of speed since Katrina evacuations.”

With signals permanently flashing, the usual five-minute delay at every intersection has vanished. Drivers are no longer held hostage by lights that turn red the second they approach or a left turn signal that lasts exactly 1.3 seconds.

Local officials, stunned by the unexpected efficiency, are considering making “permanent malfunction” the new standard. “If traffic is finally flowing, why fix what’s broken?” said one city planner.

For now, Baton Rouge drivers are savoring this rare moment of efficiency—before the city steps in to ‘fix’ it and brings traffic back to a halt.