Louisiana Lawmakers Celebrate Balloon Ban Failure with Balloon Release at Capitol
In a scene that felt more satire than ceremony, Louisiana lawmakers gathered in front of the Capitol to release dozens of balloons into the sky—celebrating the defeat of a proposed ban on balloon releases. Environmentalists wept. Legislators cheered. And somewhere, a turtle silently cursed the airspace above.
Mitch Landrieu Tells GOP to ‘Wake Up’—City of New Orleans Still in Coma from His Administration
Mitch Landrieu, the former mayor best known for removing statues and accomplishing little else, told Republicans to “wake up”—from the same man whose political instincts led him to endorse Kamala Harris into irrelevance.
Governor Landry Frees Oil Companies from ‘Unnecessary Burden’ of Saving Louisiana’s Coastline
“If God didn’t want us to drill next to pelicans, He wouldn’t have put them so close to the rigs,” Governor Landry said, moments before a wave swallowed half the podium. Lobbyists applauded the bold leadership.
Central Mayor Storms Baton Rouge City Hall Demanding Credit for Discovering The Sadvocate
Central Mayor Wade Evans says he dove under a Spanish Town float for a Sadvocate tumbler, printed his own shirt, and now Baton Rouge is trying to ride the irony wave he created. “Pick a different fake news source,” he demanded.
Landry Freezes Hiring, Tells Agencies to “Just Google How to Do Everything”
In a move sure to confuse both bureaucrats and IT departments, Jeff Landry has partnered with Google—well, used Google—to slash hiring costs. Staff are now told to “just search it” when facing emergencies.
Secret Service No Longer Required to Carry Narcan After Hunter Biden’s Security Detail Gets the Axe
With Hunter Biden’s Secret Service detail officially cut, agents no longer have to carry Narcan “just in case.” Insiders say the biggest cost savings won’t be from medical supplies—but from emergency dry cleaning and last-minute hotel damage deposits.
Mayor Cantrell Confuses Fifth Amendment With a Fifth of Hennessy at Hearing
Mayor Cantrell shocked legal experts when she pleaded the Fifth during an NOPD hearing—only to later clarify she was actually talking about the fifth of Hennessy she drank beforehand.
Insurance Commissioner Suggests LA Homeowners Should ‘Stop Being Poor’ If They Want Affordable Coverage
Louisiana’s Insurance Commissioner has a solution for skyrocketing rates: Stop being poor. Officials suggest homeowners “get creative” by inheriting wealth, starting side hustles, or simply accepting financial ruin with grace.
Jeff Landry Forms the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) Agency to Begin Deporting Foreign Shrimp
Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry has declared war on illegal Chinese shrimp, launching the Imported Crustacean Enforcement (ICE) to raid restaurants suspected of serving non-local seafood. “This is an attack on our heritage,” he warned.
City’s Travel Ban Leaves Cantrell ‘Stranded Among the Masses’—Mayor Files Suit to Escape
New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell has filed a lawsuit against the city, claiming the recent travel ban forces her to endure Mardi Gras like a regular citizen—complete with bad weather and bead-throwing chaos.