BATON ROUGE, La. – Former New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, in yet another last-ditch effort to stay relevant after embarrassingly backing Kamala Harris in the 2024 Presidential election, made a fiery appearance at Baton Rouge’s “Hands Off” protest this week. He urged Republicans to “wake up” before it’s too late—an ironic plea from a man whose leadership left an entire city in a politically induced vegetative state.

“Republicans are sleepwalking into disaster,” said Landrieu, who famously sleepwalked through his own tenure while potholes formed small ecosystems and the Sewerage & Water Board became a cautionary tale in municipal failure.

Locals were surprised to hear Landrieu use the term “wake up,” considering his eight years in office were best known for hitting snooze on infrastructure, crime, and transparency.

“Frankly, we’re still trying to recover from his last alarm,” said one New Orleans resident, who asked to remain anonymous out of fear that speaking out might get them carted away at midnight by a crane, while Landrieu hides behind a group of 10 protestors, solemnly nodding and calling it ‘progress.’

Attendees cheered politely, unsure if they were applauding the speech, the cause, or simply relieved that Landrieu wasn’t in charge of anything that could flood, crumble, or mysteriously disappear mid-budget cycle.