WASHINGTON, DC – In a major cost-cutting measure, the Secret Service will no longer be required to carry emergency Narcan for “certain family members” of President Biden. While officials refused to name names, sources confirmed that agents assigned to Hunter Biden’s detail have “never needed to administer so much ‘just in case’ medication in the history of the agency.”
“We can finally clear out space in our go-bags,” said one relieved agent. “No more emergency trips to questionable hotel rooms at 3 a.m.”
Hunter Biden, reportedly unaware of the change, was seen frantically calling private security firms in search of a new detail that offers “a more flexible medical policy.” Meanwhile, pharmaceutical companies are bracing for a stock dip, as government purchases of Narcan plummet overnight.
With the cut, the government expects to see a significant drop in medical supply expenditures—finally proving that a Biden can, in fact, reduce federal spending.
