CENTRAL, La. – In what Entergy described as a “cutting-edge sociological experiment,” the utility giant announced today that ongoing outages in Central are actually part of a bold new pilot program designed to “test human resilience in the absence of modern convenience.”
“Central was selected based on its ideal combination of foliage, patience, and poor access to alternative providers,” said Entergy spokesperson Watt S. Goner, standing under the shade of a downed power line. “We believe the people here are uniquely qualified to help us understand the long-term effects of power deprivation on average suburban families—especially those who enjoy air conditioning.”
Residents of Morgan Place West, the epicenter of the multi-week blackout saga, were relieved to finally get an explanation for their flickering lights and broken appliances. “I’m honored to be a part of science,” said local dad Dale Boudreaux, charging his phone in his truck for the fourth straight day. “Though I wish the lab conditions came with fewer mosquitoes.”
Entergy assured customers their rising bills are not related to outages, but rather to a recently added “Inconvenience Recovery Fee,” which helps fund their PR department’s ongoing fight against the word “monopoly.”
