NEW ORLEANS, La. – Mayor LaToya Cantrell has made an important decision about the future of New Orleans: she’d rather not be in it. Now, she’s suing the City Council for restricting her ability to lead from the comfort of first-class flights and five-star resorts, arguing that their travel spending limits are an “unjust attack” on her leadership style—one that heavily relies on room service and ocean views.
“Bruh, I ain’t about to be stuck in this mess 24/7,” Cantrell allegedly told aides. “New Orleans gonna be aight—I just need to recharge… preferably somewhere with a view, a pool, and unlimited Henny.”
Doubling down on her stance, the mayor quoted the Beastie Boys, saying, “You gotta fight for your right to party.”
The City Council, however, isn’t buying it. “If she put this much energy into crime reduction, drainage, and traffic, people might actually feel safe walking to their cars,” one councilmember remarked.
While New Orleans seems to function better when Cantrell is out of town, the City Council remains determined to fight the lawsuit—partly out of principle, but mostly out of curiosity to see if she can survive an entire month without a first class seat and a champagne toast at 30,000 feet.
