Morris Bart Questions High Insurance Rates While Standing on Literal Pile of Settlement Checks
Morris Bart took to social media to speak about high insurance rates—while standing on a pile of checks tall enough to qualify as a traffic hazard. Some say irony isn’t dead, it’s just very well compensated.
Greenstein Returns as Landry’s Health Secretary, Promises to Be ‘Less Indictable’ This Time
Bruce Greenstein, who once left his state post under a cloud of indictment, is back—because in Louisiana, redemption means rehiring the guy who already knows where the contracts are buried.
Locals Add Comite Diversion Completion to ‘List of Things Less Likely Than an LSU Season With No Arrests’
Locals recently added the Comite Diversion Canal’s actual completion to the same list as an LSU football season with no arrests—right between “affordable insurance” and “a functional city council.”
Livingston Motorists Shocked to Learn Juban Construction Crew is Just 12 Cardboard Cutouts
Juban Road drivers thought construction workers were just standing around again—turns out they weren’t standing at all. LADOTD replaced them with cardboard cutouts months ago, and no one noticed until now.
Landry’s Insurance Reform Plan Starts With Reducing the Number of Altimas on the Road
After years of blaming trial lawyers for Louisiana’s outrageous insurance rates, Governor Landry is now targeting Nissan Altimas, citing their “cultural impact on collisions” in a plan backed by Gordon McKernan.
Impact Charter Students Offered Crash Course in How Not to Run a School—Using Their Own
Impact Charter is being evicted, and its students are learning that “Education Explosion” wasn’t just a name—it was the business model.
City Council’s New Motto: ‘Til Debt Do Us Part’—Alimony Tax to Mend Municipal Finances
Baton Rouge officials have a bold new plan to fix the budget—taxing the already emotionally bankrupt. The alimony tax is back, and this time, it’s not just personal. It’s painfully civic.
Louisiana Unveils New Insurance Strategy: Just Keep Talking About It Until Voters Die
Louisiana officials unveiled their newest plan to address skyrocketing insurance: talk about it in endless loops until voters either forget, move away, or die trying to afford their auto premiums.
Mitch Landrieu Tells GOP to ‘Wake Up’—City of New Orleans Still in Coma from His Administration
Mitch Landrieu, the former mayor best known for removing statues and accomplishing little else, told Republicans to “wake up”—from the same man whose political instincts led him to endorse Kamala Harris into irrelevance.
Keep Tiger Town Beautiful Accidentally Picks Up, Disposes of Entire Motel 6 on Siegen Lane
Keep Tiger Town Beautiful accidentally cleaned up more than just litter this week—they removed an entire Motel 6 from Siegen Lane, mistaking it for an abandoned dump site. No one’s complaining. Not even the sheriff’s department.
Governor Landry Frees Oil Companies from ‘Unnecessary Burden’ of Saving Louisiana’s Coastline
“If God didn’t want us to drill next to pelicans, He wouldn’t have put them so close to the rigs,” Governor Landry said, moments before a wave swallowed half the podium. Lobbyists applauded the bold leadership.
Baton Rouge Police Praise Car Thief’s Honesty for Using Real Name on Facebook Marketplace Listing
A local car thief took bold to new heights by listing a stolen Honda online under his full legal name. Police say they appreciated the honesty—and the GPS-enabled arrest. The victim? Shocked. The car? Still had his fries.
‘Hands Off’ Protest Ends Early After Protesters Realize They’ve Been Yelling at Capitol Groundskeeper for 45 Minutes, Not Landry
A small protest dubbed “Hands Off” ended early after demonstrators realized they’d been passionately addressing a man trimming hedges. No policy changes were made, but the azaleas reportedly looked phenomenal.
Rock the Country Organizers Nominated for “Best Simulation of Baton Rouge Traffic” Award
What was supposed to be a country music celebration quickly turned into a four-hour meditation on regret, dehydration, and two-lane road design. Rock the Country gave fans everything but entry.
Chevron Escapes $744M Louisiana Judgment by Hiring Brian Kelly as VP of Subsurface Operations—Cites His History of Running Things in the Ground
Chevron dodged a $744M environmental judgment by hiring LSU’s Brian Kelly as VP of Subsurface Operations—citing his unique ability to sink high-potential programs with alarming efficiency. Louisiana officials called it “a favor to the entire region.”
Dept. of Wildlife & Fisheries Budget Cut by $94M: Poachers Send Thank You Notes
Louisiana’s Wildlife Department just lost $94 million in funding—and the only ones celebrating are the poachers, who’ve begun sending thank-you notes to the state.
Activists Burning Teslas Defend Actions Citing ‘We Used Matches Made from Reclaimed Wood’
Former Tesla fans are now lighting their electric cars on fire to protest Elon Musk, claiming the act is environmentally sound because they used reclaimed wood matches. “We’re burning the future sustainably,” one protester said while fanning the smoke with a reusable tote.
Baton Rouge Postal App Replaces Tracking Info With Laughing Emoji
USPS in Baton Rouge no longer pretends to know where your package is. Instead, users now receive a laughing emoji in place of tracking info—because pretending it’s coming was getting awkward.
Kid Rock to Perform in Livingston, Experts Seeing Spike in Jorts Sales
Kid Rock is bringing his denim-clad chaos to Livingston Parish, and local stores are bracing for a surge in jorts, flag bandanas, and mullet-related grooming emergencies. Experts are calling it “a fashion crisis wrapped in freedom.”
BRPD Quietly Removes ‘Beer Runs’ as Acceptable Use of Police Vehicles After Zachary Crash
After a BRPD officer reportedly wrecked a patrol car while over the legal limit, the department quietly changed policy to clarify that police vehicles aren’t for booze errands—something most assumed didn’t need to be written down.
Central Mayor Storms Baton Rouge City Hall Demanding Credit for Discovering The Sadvocate
Central Mayor Wade Evans says he dove under a Spanish Town float for a Sadvocate tumbler, printed his own shirt, and now Baton Rouge is trying to ride the irony wave he created. “Pick a different fake news source,” he demanded.
DOTD: Bridge Damage Not a Problem, Unless You’re One of Those ‘Wants-to-Survive’ Types
While thousands cross the Mississippi River Bridge daily, DOTD says there’s no cause for concern—unless you’re one of those high-maintenance types who prefers structural integrity and bridges that don’t resemble aging drywall.
Landry Freezes Hiring, Tells Agencies to “Just Google How to Do Everything”
In a move sure to confuse both bureaucrats and IT departments, Jeff Landry has partnered with Google—well, used Google—to slash hiring costs. Staff are now told to “just search it” when facing emergencies.
Louisiana DMV Computer System Is So Old It Still Thinks Edwin Edwards Is Governor
In a move that screams “Louisiana logic,” the new DMV chief—a fire marshal by trade—has discovered the agency’s mainframe still believes Edwin Edwards is governor. And yes, it runs on something older than Windows 95.
Several BRPD Officers Apply for PTSD Support After Hearing State Police Returning to Agency
After a historic internal collapse under trooper leadership, Baton Rouge officers feared a sequel. But this time, the State Police are staying outside—where they can’t mess with the org chart.
Saints Fans Offer Steelers 2 Years Supply of Popeyes Chicken if They Take Derek Carr
Saints fans are feeling generous as they try to unload Derek Carr—and yes, they’ve sweetened the deal with a free 2 years supply of Popeye’s Chicken.
BRPD: No Shootings, Carjackings, or Pedestrians Struck in 24 Hours
BRPD Chief TJ Morse confirmed that no major incidents involving gunfire, stolen vehicles, or pedestrian injuries occurred citywide in the past 24 hours—a development officials cautiously called “unusual but welcome.”
DOTD Completes Final Study for New Baton Rouge Bridge, Construction Set for 2026
After years of debate, LADOTD has finalized plans for a new Mississippi River bridge south of Baton Rouge—and yes, they finally did a real traffic study. Find out where it’s going and when it actually starts.
Jeff Landry Finalizes Plan with Insurance Commissioner to Bring Reduced Premiums to Millions
Governor Jeff Landry just announced a sweeping deal to lower insurance premiums across Louisiana—just days after his amendments got shellacked at the polls. Could this finally be the win voters have waited 30 years for?
Landry Introduces Facebook Post-Inspired Bill Entitled: “We Will Literally Vote for Anything That Reduces Insurance Premiums”
After voters rejected all four amendments with the enthusiasm of a cat rejecting bathwater, Governor Landry turned to the people’s true voice: Facebook comments. His new bill promises one thing—lower insurance. Literally, that’s it.