BATON ROUGE, La. – In a heartwarming show of gratitude, Louisiana’s poaching community has mailed handwritten thank-you notes to state officials following a $94 million cut to the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries.
“Honestly, we didn’t think the state would make it this easy,” said one anonymous deer hunter in camo and Crocs. “We were already ignoring the laws, but now there’s nobody left to catch us.”
The LDWF, now operating out of a trailer behind a Dollar General, has been forced to lay off most of its staff and outsource enforcement to an overworked squirrel named Kevin.
“With this kind of budget, we’re just encouraging a strong honor system among criminals,” said one remaining wildlife agent, who now doubles as his own IT department.
In a gesture of bipartisanship, several poachers offered to sponsor LDWF with Bass Pro Shop gift cards and a couple of extra game tags “just to help out.”
The department is now urging animals to ‘just blend in and stay low’ until the next legislative session.
